Madonna’s latest childrens book which will be released next summer, “Lotsa de Casha“, is about a dog who has money but no happiness. Childrens books from Madonna? Next thing you know, Wes Craven will be writing Harlequin Romances.

Madonna’s bio is comically ironic.

At one time, Madonna ruled the world of pop music. She was riding high atop the charts (as well as several athletes and actors). Her album “Like a Virgin” has sold around 20 million copies, half of which were purchased by collectors who knew it could be the last time the world would ever see Madonna and the word “virgin” in the same photo.

She then married Sean Penn, a man with a head more cavernous and helium-filled than a blimp hangar, stayed in the news by continuing to release hit singles and strip, and because her husband treated tabloid photographers the way they deserve to be treated. Realizing that, in the celebrity industry, you have to flow with the tides if your career is to survive – Madonna did just that, and flowed away from Penn. Sean later went on a “fact-finding” mission to Baghdad, where the word “Penn” is now an Arabic term meaning “the dumbest guy in Iraq.”

Madonna has since “reinvented” herself a couple hundred times – each reinvention a little filthier than the next until the day she realized that the only way she could get nastier would be to engage in Internet porn with six circus clowns and a pack mule. She then put the brakes on (couldn’t find a pack mule), had kids and made a couple of movies that were the celluloid equivalent of a root canal.

She now lives in England, where she moved to get her kids out of the US, and badmouths the United States, coming back only often enough to pick up sacks full of money.

Now come children’s books written by Madonna. It’s only a natural progression, or in this case regression. She released a picture book in the early ’90s called “Sex,” so this all fits into her backward slide away from a scene she helped create. It was good enough for everybody elses kids, but not hers.

I simply won’t let my kids look at any of her children’s books for fear of chapter titles like “If it doesn’t fit, don’t force it,” “No, you won’t go blind,” or “Why is Mommy’s ‘flashlight’ buzzing?”

I do, however, like to use her as an example of somebody who claims to care about children so much, yet must shield her own from the very place that she and her like-minded music and film-industry shock dealers helped build.


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