Chappaqua (which is an Algonquin word for “Land where heap big adulterer sleep on couch”) will be two people lighter this week, because the Clintons will be in Little Rock for a grand opening, and not one that will get Bill into trouble this time.

Bill Clinton’s presidential library, which, fittingly, looks like a trailer that slid halfway off the truck, will have the grand opening this Thursday. I’ll give them points for not running from the past, because the library will have an area dedicated to Clinton’s impeachment.

This could be good business sense. If the exact replica of the Oval Office is interactive, they’ll discover a whole lot of paying customers.

For $165 million, I hope they did make the museum interactive. These people could make a fortune by charging a premium for rides in “the Monica simulator.” Guys would be lined up five deep clear around the corner to pay $20 a head … (Hang on while I try to figure out a way to reword the previous sentence…) OK, they’d be lined up five deep clear around the corner to pay $20 a person.

Visitors could also try their luck on the “Rodham cowboy!” an electronic bull in the likeness of the New York senator and former first lady. Riders insert $5 into the receptacle, whisper, “I got caught schtupping another tubby intern” into the built-in microphone, and see how many seconds they can hold on before being thrown off.

“Decipher that Dick” would definitely be a crowd favorite. Contestants win great prizes if they can pick up the phone in the Oval Office, and are able to understand what Dick Morris is mumbling while his mouth is full of a hooker’s toes.

The “Clinton Library Apprentice” would also be a big hit. Players in this game pay to compete to see who can find out which of the library’s employees used to work in the White House Travel Office, and be the first to tell them, “you’re fired.” Winners get Bill’s “Walt Whitman’s Sampler”– a box containing four truffles and a copy of “Leaves of Grass.”

Watch out, Arkansas… the Clinton’s are back in town.


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