If you haven’t heard, Dan Rather announced that he will step down from the CBS anchor desk in March of 2005.

Recent problems have no doubt contributed to this decision. Rather’s biggest blunder of late was when CBS News used forged documents to provide phony validity to a presupposition – CBS’s version of basketball’s “triple double.” This sank CBS and Rather even further into the depths of irrelevancy and declining ratings … but I guess that’s why they’re called “anchors.”

What was the cause of this career demise? Many may say an increasing liberal bias caused Rather to slip so quickly that even the most skilled of media paramedics were unable to chest-paddle him back to life. That was partially the case, but the final nail went into the coffin when aging anchors and producers demonstrated an abject inability to understand modern technologies, such as the miracles that can be produced (like fake National Guard documents) by just one agenda-driven person with Microsoft Word and Photoshop.

We’ll miss Dan. With no more of his “Texanisms,” we’ll be, as Rather may say, “as frustrated as a perverted farmhand with an electric cow milker during a power outage.” With no more Rather to offer comic relief, we’ll be “as stressed as the high heels on Kirstie Alley’s pumps.”

Farewell, Dan. Courage.


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