Tax-ing experiences

All I can say is “Thank God for ‘Turbo-Tax'”. Life is much easier these days, but the fact that taxes may be a little easier doesn’t take away from the confusion and humor.

I just found out that I’ll be getting back a bit of money from the federal government. While this would thrill many people, I began to feel guilt and outrage for giving a group of thugs, cheats, liars and pork-barrel swine who gleefully wallow in a sty of everybody else’s money an interest-free loan.

Think of the federal government as nothing more than your 45-year-old unemployed brother-in-law who lives on a cot in your breezeway for whom you just bought a six-pack of Old Style. After he asked you if his disability check arrived in the mail and informed you that he used your credit card to order pay-per-view wrestling, if he gave you back one of the beers, would you be thrilled?

The real comedy on the tax forms is the part where they as “Would you like to donate $3 to the Presidential Election Campaign Fund?”

The Bush and Kerry campaigns and their allies in 2004 spent over $600 million. Politicians routinely have $25,000-a-plate dinners. Many corporations hand out money by the fistful to politicians – so much so that, when the candidate leaves, it looks as if he’s smuggling out a dinner salad in his pants pockets.

Meanwhile, we’ve spent the year working like dogs to feed and clothe our kids while trying to handle confiscatory tax rates. Then, one day, we sit down at the kitchen table to go over this paper-trail-of-tears called tax forms – a monster which was created by those very same politicians, and they have the nerve to ask for three bucks? Three bucks!

It’s the same feeling you’d have if Bill Gates dropped by to borrow a cup of sugar.

Study says smoking pot helps Alzheimers sufferers slow down memory loss, and probably even dig Pink Floyd and snowboarding

According to an article in The Guardian, the rate at which memory loss accelerates in Alzheimers patients can be slowed down if they took cannabis. One of Spain’s “leading research centers”, Madrid’s esteemed “Cheech & Chong Institute”, camouflaged in the article as the “Cajal Institute”, claims that the THC in pot “seems to” slow the advancement of effects of Alzheimers.

When they say “seems to” it’s probably because they can’t get straight answers out of patients who do nothing but lay on the couch and stare at the back of their hand laughing hysterically.

Call me skeptical, but have you ever known anybody who partook of the daily doobie? Does “reduces the rate of memory loss” sound like something that ever crossed your mind when observing them?

The next step in the research is to test it on rats, and after that, continue to “fund” (i.e. “drive downtown and score weed) the remaining research with money made on eBay selling rats that look like Willie Nelson.

A good idea in Massachusetts can only mean one thing… Ted Kennedy didn't think of it

After spending much of the Michigan winter stuck in traffic, only to come upon a stalled car or minor accident with both cars off the road but motorists somehow mesmerized at the sight of a ’98 Caddy with a dented fender, here’s an idea I’ve been waiting for. Hopefully, it migrates to Michigan.

Massachusetts police have started putting curtains around accidents and stalled cars, and it seems to be working.

It won’t be long until drivers see the hand of some drunk in an accident holding his pants out of the curtain and asking “Do you have these in a ’38’?” But it’s a good idea nonetheless.

A good idea in Massachusetts can only mean one thing… Ted Kennedy didn’t think of it

After spending much of the Michigan winter stuck in traffic, only to come upon a stalled car or minor accident with both cars off the road but motorists somehow mesmerized at the sight of a ’98 Caddy with a dented fender, here’s an idea I’ve been waiting for. Hopefully, it migrates to Michigan.

Massachusetts police have started putting curtains around accidents and stalled cars, and it seems to be working.

It won’t be long until drivers see the hand of some drunk in an accident holding his pants out of the curtain and asking “Do you have these in a ’38’?” But it’s a good idea nonetheless.

Fabrizio brings it on home in regards to Terri Schiavo

I have a tendancy to avoid depressing and heart breaking subjects like they are a salad bar and I’m Michael Moore, but the situation in Florida concerning Terri Schiavo warrants an awful lot of attention.

My old buddy from the “ToogoodReports.com” days, Lisa Fabrizio, hits one out of the park with “Terry Schiavo and the soul of America” today at WorldNetDaily.

When considering removing the feeding tube from somebody who may not appear “with us” anymore, I just keep thinking about Sarah Scantlin, who started talking recently after being in a coma for over 2o years.

You never know if tomorrow’s the day.

A reader offers up a bumper sticker

Mike C. writes as part of a larger letter concerning my column on Bill Maher’s comments about Christians and their neurological disorder:

As the bumper sticker I once read said, “If you don’t believe there is a God, you had better be right.”

I’m not a gambling person by nature, but this is the automobile bumper version of Pascal’s Wager. If you bet there is a God and are wrong, you lose nothing, but if you bet there isn’t a God and are wrong, you lose everything.

I was about to say that’s got to be the only bet you can’t get odds on in Vegas, but chances are that would be a false statement.

Are "The Bush Tapes" the last great frustration of the left?

You have to admit… when the suits at CNN heard there were tapes recorded of at the time presidential hopeful George W. Bush ingaged in a candid conversation, lather formed on mouths. Now, the recordings have been made public (by a “friend” of the president… some “friend”) and tell a different story.

The left has been waiting for years for something to take hold against Bush. Something on the level of a Marion Barry surveillance video. Something showing Bush snorting coke off the ass of a hooker in the Oval Office. A little more than they got with the “drunk driving” story three days before the 2000 election, which wasn’t quite enough “punch” to take Bush down.

Now, they’ve got “secret recordings”. What do these recordings say about Bush. He pledges to not discriminate against gays and is vastly concerned that kids stay away from drugs.

::whump::

There hasn’t been a letdown among the American left like this since the nomination of Dukakis.

Are “The Bush Tapes” the last great frustration of the left?

You have to admit… when the suits at CNN heard there were tapes recorded of at the time presidential hopeful George W. Bush ingaged in a candid conversation, lather formed on mouths. Now, the recordings have been made public (by a “friend” of the president… some “friend”) and tell a different story.

The left has been waiting for years for something to take hold against Bush. Something on the level of a Marion Barry surveillance video. Something showing Bush snorting coke off the ass of a hooker in the Oval Office. A little more than they got with the “drunk driving” story three days before the 2000 election, which wasn’t quite enough “punch” to take Bush down.

Now, they’ve got “secret recordings”. What do these recordings say about Bush. He pledges to not discriminate against gays and is vastly concerned that kids stay away from drugs.

::whump::

There hasn’t been a letdown among the American left like this since the nomination of Dukakis.