Jack Groh, “Environmental director for the National Football League”, a job title I thought I’d never read, not to mention write, announced plans to plant several acres of trees in Detroit. The trees will, hopefully, offset carbon emmissions from all the extra people visiting town for the Super Bowl in February of 2006.

This should be interesting. “Several acres of trees”? Now, I’ve been to Detroit’s Metro Airport in Romulus many times, and I’ve also been to downtown Detroit many times, where Ford Field is. Presumably, Super Bowl teams and fans from around the world will arrive at the airport, and stay very near the airport, or downtown near the stadium. This is where all the nasty emmissions will take place near the time of the big game. Yep, we’ll blame the out-of-towners, because without all that Super Bowl traffic, Detroit’s otherwise a very pleasant, aromatic, olfactory joy.

Back to the “acres of trees”. Is there room between Metro Airport and Ford Field for more than, say, a couple of small trees? You’d be lucky to find a spot to stick a friggin Chia Pet let alone several acres of trees. As a matter of fact, the largest areas of open land in Detroit is in Ford Field! Maybe the NFL environmental department will put some trees on the gridiron. Hopefully they wait until the end of the regular season to plant them, or else I can see the headline now:

Scotch Pine – 27
Lions – 3


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