On Monday, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan will make public the contents of his 63-page report on how to spruce up the U.N. and win back its reputation as an honest solver of the world’s problems– Incompetent and crippled by red tape, bureaucracy, and arguing-in-circles committees– but honest.

Annan and others donned rubber gloves to perform a comprehensive exam on the United Nations, with a goal of updating the 60 year old disorganization. We don’t need Annan’s diagnosis to know what’s ailing this patient: a massive hernia from lugging around oil-for-food money, raising volumes of idiotic ideas, and carrying pot-bellied dictators.

Other parts of Annan’s planned “makeover” are already in progress.

There are plans to renovate and expand U.N. headquarters in New York City. This could be a billion-dollar project ($3-4 billion if they try to cut costs by engaging in a “concrete for food” program with a crooked construction company), complete with bigger offices, increased ventilation, fire sprinklers, and hot-and-cold-running appeasers.

U.N. representatives from around the globe have up to now been working in buildings fraught with asbestos, lead paint and, occasionally, falling concrete – and so far nothing has worked. Resilient little bureaucrats, aren’t they?


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