Former President Jimmy Carter wanted to lead the U.S. delegation to the Pope’s funeral if President Bush wasn’t going to attend.

Bush is going, and now Carter’s out altogether. Clinton and Bush-41 are going though. Why not Carter?

Many have pointed to Jimmy Carter’s bad-mouthing of Bush policies around the world. Ya think so?

It all started with Carter’s visit to Cuba a few years ago, which is on President Bush’s so called “Axis of Evil” list along with Iran, Iraq, North Korea, Libya, Syria, and Celine Dion. Carter buddied up with Castro (after managing to wedge himself between Fidel and Danny Glover), spoke to the Cuban people on state television, and basically called the Bush Administration’s accusation that Cuba harbors biological weapon plants ridiculous.

Addressing Cubans on television, Carter was well aware that he was speaking to people who felt beaten down, depressed, and carried a constant feeling of hopelessness. Fortunately Carter’s presidential State of the Union speeches in the late 70′s gave him plenty of experience in speaking to this particular demographic.

Jimmah then left Cuba, and Castro took off the suit, put back on his usual lumpy khaki burlap potato sack and Gomer Pyle hat, then beat senseless the fifteen Cubans who were caught inside Carter’s mouth after they donned white outfits and tried to smuggle themselves back to the United States disguised as teeth.

Carter then came home and tried to talk about Cuba while constantly being interrupted by hammer on nail sounds while Roselyn yelled into the cell phone, pleading with Amy to start using makeup.

Other former president’s are traveling the world making speeches at a hundred grand a pop and going to the Pope’s funeral. Carter’s still trying to fight off being synonymous with “stagflation”, the embarrassment that was Billy, and is now using his Nobel Prize as a hammer to pound nails to build houses for the needy– A job he’s a lot better at than as a former president and global activist.

Jimmy Carter is sort of the Rodney Dangerfield of former Commander-in-Chiefs. This would make him popular domestically, except for the fact that his punchlines are only understood and welcomed, for the most part, outside the U.S.

This means that Jimmy will be watching the Pope’s funeral on TV, along with the rest of us.


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