Hey, it’s the one-year anniversary of the Abu Ghraib, and ol’ spiral-sliced ham-head Ted Kennedy took the opportunity to offer a few words. Okay, a few thousand. Geez… Fidel’s Castro’s speeches are shorter, contain less cholesterol, and are better enunciated for that matter.

Kennedy is now in his seventh term in the Senate, making him the second-longest-serving active senator – the longest-serving, if you happen to catch the Senate on a day when Robert Byrd has gone away to dedicate another building to himself or to have one of his old Kleagle hats blocked.

When listening to Ted Kennedy anymore, we may be reminded of a composite of every bottle dwelling bar babbler we’ve ever been stuck sitting next to at one o’clock in the morning. When that happens, you keep an eye on your wife, a hand on your wallet, and take what they say with a grain of margarita salt.

In Kennedy’s statement concerning Abu Ghraib, Ted began, “The images of cruelty, and perversion are still difficult to look at a year later.” How a man who let a woman drown can say things like this about anybody else is amazing.

Ted’s shameless. Look back at his endorsement of John Kerry. Kennedy wasn’t even shy about touting the fact that Kerry once saved somebody from drowning – this statement caused more uneasiness and suppressed giggles in the room than the time Marilyn Monroe crawled out from under the podium after a JFK press conference.

Statements like this are the most telling symptom of Kennedy’s ivory tower induced moral myopia. Ted Kennedy, without batting an eye, can proudly laud a colleague for saving someone from drowning? This takes some serious nerve – right up there with Lizzy Borden praising the skillful hatchet work of Paul Bunyan.

Joe Kennedy had a daughter lobotomized, and, judging from the incongruous comments uttered by his son, he apparently forced Ted to undergo several compunction bypass procedures.

Ted’s even got a dog that he named “Splash.” I often wonder if he ever lets Splash get together with Joe Hazelwood’s dog – “Slick” – for a nice game of Frisbee at “Irony Park.”

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