Monthly Archives: May 2005

"Hooters Airlines" expanding: Las Vegas airport about to have visitors whose tray tables aren't the only things in the upright and locked position

Now you can take an areolaplane to Las Vegas and touch down on the glanding strip with a smile, grinning in the satisfaction that the slogan “You’ll love to fly, and it’ll show” is no lie.

Hooters Airlines, which began two years ago offering the atmosphere of a Hooters Restaurant and Hooters girls for flight attendants, is expanding. The only airline where you pray to God for heavy turbulence is now heading for Las Vegas, where the company will soon open a casino. According to Hooters Air’s website, the company has also expanded to Allentown, Pennsylvania

Not long ago, Hooters of America Chairman Robert Brooks failed in his attempt to buy Vanguard Airlines, and instead bought Winston-Salem based Pace Airlines. Brooks was a man with a dream– A dream to fulfill the dreams of breast-men. If that ain’t noble, I don’t know what is.

Why is Hooters Airlines expanding while most others are shrinking? Brooks is following the success of countless companies who have made billions using sex to sell, and has simply created what is nothing more than a Hooters at 30,000 feet.

No boring in-flight movies. No male flight attendants who won’t stop talking about Liza, and no more of the biggest cup on board being the one containing your coffee. Just good old, testosterone driven, 500-mph fun, where all seats come with a first-class view and, if need be, your stewardess can be used as a flotation device.

I still contend that Brooks could have come up with a better name for his airline– perhaps something like “North-chest”, “Tittish Airways”, or “United Areolalines”, but that’s neither here nor there.

“Hooters Airlines” expanding: Las Vegas airport about to have visitors whose tray tables aren’t the only things in the upright and locked position

Now you can take an areolaplane to Las Vegas and touch down on the glanding strip with a smile, grinning in the satisfaction that the slogan “You’ll love to fly, and it’ll show” is no lie.

Hooters Airlines, which began two years ago offering the atmosphere of a Hooters Restaurant and Hooters girls for flight attendants, is expanding. The only airline where you pray to God for heavy turbulence is now heading for Las Vegas, where the company will soon open a casino. According to Hooters Air’s website, the company has also expanded to Allentown, Pennsylvania

Not long ago, Hooters of America Chairman Robert Brooks failed in his attempt to buy Vanguard Airlines, and instead bought Winston-Salem based Pace Airlines. Brooks was a man with a dream– A dream to fulfill the dreams of breast-men. If that ain’t noble, I don’t know what is.

Why is Hooters Airlines expanding while most others are shrinking? Brooks is following the success of countless companies who have made billions using sex to sell, and has simply created what is nothing more than a Hooters at 30,000 feet.

No boring in-flight movies. No male flight attendants who won’t stop talking about Liza, and no more of the biggest cup on board being the one containing your coffee. Just good old, testosterone driven, 500-mph fun, where all seats come with a first-class view and, if need be, your stewardess can be used as a flotation device.

I still contend that Brooks could have come up with a better name for his airline– perhaps something like “North-chest”, “Tittish Airways”, or “United Areolalines”, but that’s neither here nor there.

Liberals & Jesus: Fair weather friends

“What would Jesus do” on the issue of stem cell research? Bill Press ponders this question.

Okay then, since Bill seems to care so much what Jesus thinks, what if you asked “What would Jesus do” on the issue of abortion? I can hear it already: “Shut up! Stop throwing Jesus in my face you religious zealot! It’s every woman’s right to choose!”

I love a morning when I can wake up and be reminded that I’m on the correct side on this stuff. Press’s column is just one of many that demonstrate how Jesus is to liberals like a parent to a twenty-year-old boy who just went to college– They only come calling if they need some money. In the case of Liberals, the currency is in the form of validation from on high, but it doesn’t work.

Liberals do everything they can to get Jesus removed from schools, public meeting places, government buildings, and anywhere else their intrusive fingers can reach, but they try to keep Jesus close by just in case they need Him to try to win an argument.

We’ve all seen the bumper sticker and t-shirts saying, “Jesus is a Liberal”. Sure. And Ted Kennedy is svelte and dry.

Life on other planets? Fascinating. Life here? Annoying.

The National Geographic Channel is airing a special on Sunday at 8 p.m. entitled “Extraterrestrial”. This from the Houston Chronicle article:

National Geographic commissioned scientists from universities, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration and the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence Institute in Mountain View, Calif., to create a likely scenario of what life might look like elsewhere.

The “creators” of these worlds are astrophysicists, biologists, biomechanists and astronomers who combine their knowledge with sophisticated 3-D and other special effects to create two planets they believe could exist in our own Milky Way galaxy.

I’m always intrigued by the interpretation of many in the science community of what life on other planets would mean to our way of life. Life, if found elsewhere, would be a discovery of historic and colossal proportions. If we ran across a single-celled microbe on Sirus-7, it would be the discovery of all discoveries. Life on other planets would be a miracle.

Then, turn their telescope around and point it toward life here on Earth, and it’s chalked up to some screwy accident. I can only conclude this: If that were the stereo of a single-celled microbe from Sirus-7 keeping the astronomer awake at night, in front of them in the “10 items or less” line with 37 things, or repossessing their hybrid car, the microbe would also be labeled as an “accident”. Give it time…

Anti-America Trek: The Wrath of Khan

The United States has been carded by Amnesty International’s Irene Khan. Unfortunately for Khan, not a lot of Americans know or care what that reference means.

Amnesty International’s Secretary Irene Khan released her group’s 305 page annual report on human rights, and Sudan, Zimbabwe, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Nepal, Uzbekistan, and Haiti were the worst offenders. The reason? You guessed it– The United States.

This from the story:

“Amnesty International says the United States, by its actions, is sending out a permissive signal to abusive governments and that is leading to more torture worldwide.”

It’s strange. In Khan’s biography on Amnesty’s website, it says:

“Deeply concerned about violence against women, she called for better protection of women’s human rights in meetings with President Musharraf of Pakistan, President Lahoud of Lebanon and Prime Minister Khaleda Zia of Bangladesh. She has initiated a process of consultations with women activists to design a global campaign by Amnesty International against violence on women.”

What about the millions of women in Aghanistan who are now treated as human beings, can get an education, and can vote, as a result of the United States’ action? No mention of this… but there can’t be a mention of it, because it would topple the house of cards of the “blame America first” bunch.

Is there anyone out there who has the word “activist” in their biography who thinks America is a good, just, fair, and decent nation? They sure do seem to like our colleges though. Khan has a degree from Harvard Law.

Bill Clinton snubs restaurant after making reservations — "When in Rome, do as rude ex-Presidents do"

The owner of Agata e Romeo, a restaurant in Rome, may sue Bill Clinton after somebody in Bubba’s entourage made reservations for 18 (19 if you count the place setting for the girl sitting under the table) and never showed up. The restaurant cleared the schedule and made preparations for Clinton.

Hardly surprising. Both Clintons have showed a tremendous lack of respect, and beyond, for “regular” people throughout their careers.

If Romeo Caraccio, the owner of the restaurant, knows what’s good for him, he’ll just let it go before he ends up sealed in Trajan’s Column… becoming quite literally a “pillar of the community”.

Bill Clinton snubs restaurant after making reservations — “When in Rome, do as rude ex-Presidents do”

The owner of Agata e Romeo, a restaurant in Rome, may sue Bill Clinton after somebody in Bubba’s entourage made reservations for 18 (19 if you count the place setting for the girl sitting under the table) and never showed up. The restaurant cleared the schedule and made preparations for Clinton.

Hardly surprising. Both Clintons have showed a tremendous lack of respect, and beyond, for “regular” people throughout their careers.

If Romeo Caraccio, the owner of the restaurant, knows what’s good for him, he’ll just let it go before he ends up sealed in Trajan’s Column… becoming quite literally a “pillar of the community”.

PBS president says they're fair, independent, and unbiased? No, really, don't laugh…

Pat Mitchell, who runs PBS, defended the network against the obvious– That PBS leans toward the left. No way, says Mitchell.

This is, in part, in defense against remarks from Ken Tomlinson, Chairman of Public Broadcasting, who has recently voiced his opinion that PBS sports a hearty liberal bias.

Mitchell offers rebuttal in the story:

PBS is “that one place where education comes before titillation, where partisanship is checked at the newsroom door and, above all, is a media option that measures success by how many minds we open, how many lives we change, how many ways we strengthen communities and how well we serve this democracy.”

Commie! … Just kidding… I’m sure that PBS is quite fair. In fact, I watch it often and have noticed a distinct lack of bias– They make millions and millions on products sold to both left wing and right wing. Then they beg for donations from Democrats and Republicans, and accept the confiscated tax money of liberals and conservatives. If that’s not fair, I don’t know what is.

PBS president says they’re fair, independent, and unbiased? No, really, don’t laugh…

Pat Mitchell, who runs PBS, defended the network against the obvious– That PBS leans toward the left. No way, says Mitchell.

This is, in part, in defense against remarks from Ken Tomlinson, Chairman of Public Broadcasting, who has recently voiced his opinion that PBS sports a hearty liberal bias.

Mitchell offers rebuttal in the story:

PBS is “that one place where education comes before titillation, where partisanship is checked at the newsroom door and, above all, is a media option that measures success by how many minds we open, how many lives we change, how many ways we strengthen communities and how well we serve this democracy.”

Commie! … Just kidding… I’m sure that PBS is quite fair. In fact, I watch it often and have noticed a distinct lack of bias– They make millions and millions on products sold to both left wing and right wing. Then they beg for donations from Democrats and Republicans, and accept the confiscated tax money of liberals and conservatives. If that’s not fair, I don’t know what is.

Michael Jackson may move to Africa, expect disturbing pictures to child sponsors back in the states

Some people are saying that if Michael Jackson is ever to resuscitate his career after he’s acquitted, which is almost certain to happen, that he must move out of the country. Jackson apparently knows this, and is reportedly planning to move out of the United States, possibly to Africa.

For those of you who contribute to “Save the Children” type charities, and send a certain amount of money each month to help support a child in Africa, and periodically receive a photo of the child, your pictures could soon be sporting an intruder, and I ain’t talkin’ about Sally Struthers.

“Oh look, honey, here’s the latest picture of little Kunji.”

“Why’s there a cardboard cutout of the alien from ‘Close Encounters’ pinching his ass?”

“Oh my God, is that Michael?”

Good news for Jackson. There are seven “Toys R Us” locations in South Africa. If the price is right, maybe they’ll even let him put in a wine cellar.