Helen Thomas vows to kill herself if Cheney runs for Prez, shocking those who didn't know Helen Thomas was still alive

White House reporter Helen Thomas allegedly told the Hill newspaper that if Dick Cheney runs for president, she’ll kill herself, more than likely by a self-inflicted glance in the mirror.

“All we need is one more liar,” Thomas is quoted as saying, in an apparent attempt to recruit more White House reporters.

In all seriousness, Helen will be 85 years old this Friday, and her mental turn signal has been stuck on for the last few hundred miles down the highway of life.

Thomas, as an unbiased wire reporter, recently called George W. Bush “the worst president in all of American history.” Thomas is typical of leftist trolls, who often take their exaggerations to childlike absurdity– “… the awfullest in a hundred gazillion million years!”

The worst president? Helen seems to have forgotten somebody named Jimmy Carter, and a long-time rumor around the prune juice cooler is that she was banging Millard Fillmore, so I wouldn’t expect her to mention him, either.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. MichelleMalkin.com alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: WriteDoug@Live.com.