This just in from the “Federal Department of Stuff You Can Do Nothing About” — Terror attacks next month: Maybe. Maybe not. Do you feel lucky, punk?

The New York Times is reporting in Friday’s edition that there may be a threat of terrorist attacks around the anniversary of 9/11.

Now comes the part that always cracks me up. This is when everybody in the government says something like, “Terrorists want to scare us into changing our way of life. Don’t let them win. Go about your daily business.”

Then, they cancel their vacation plans and enter a concrete bunker 500 feet below the earth’s surface, wrap themselves in duct tape, spray on obscene amounts of “Off” and #50 spf sunscreen, break out the AK-47’s, mace, pop a tattered VHS copy of “Red Dawn” into the VCR, and go on “Meet the Press” telling us that all that is no reason we shouldn’t still have fun at the mall.

In the meantime, is it true that Michael Chertoff, Director of Homeland Security, has added “lavender” to the color coded terror alert system?


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Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: