Rumor is that Eminem is hanging it up for good. It’s only Thursday, but it’s looking like a visit to church is in order this weekend, because if this doesn’t mean there’s a God, nothing does.

Until Eminem comes back, and the accompanying agnosticism thereof, here are some Eminem lyrics to fulfill all your Marshall Mathers needs. This is from a song called “Just don’t give a fuck”. I can’t help but admire the creative use of a sports metaphor amidst all the slime:

Slim shady, brain dead like jim brady
I’m a m80, you lil’ like that kim lady
I’m buzzin, dirty dozen, naughty rotten rhymer
Cursin at you players worse than marty schottenheimer
You wacker than the motherfucker you bit your style from
You ain’t gonna sell two copies if you press a double album
Admit it, fuck it, while we comin out in the open
I’m doin acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin dope then
My name is marshall mathers, I’m an alcoholic (hi marshall)
I have a disease and they don’t know what to call it
Better hide your wallet cause I’m comin up quick to strip your cash
Bought a ticket to your concert just to come and whip your ass
Bitch, I’m comin out swingin, so fast it’ll make your eyes spin
You gettin knocked the fuck out like mike tyson
The +proof+ is in the puddin, just ask the deshaun holton
I’ll slit your motherfuckin throat worse than ron goldman

If you want some more great examples of what your kids are listening to from Eminem, check out this lyric archive. Now that’s art.

Farewell, Em. I was so hoping that you would still be around when my kids hit their early teens. I was looking forward to finally finding out at what temperature a CD melts in my fire pit.


Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy.

I’ve also set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.


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