How will Al Gore make out this time?

The former VP and chad-covered presidential wannabe is ratcheting up his public appearance schedule, leading many to speculate that he’ll be in contention for the Dems nomination once again.

According to somebody described as what has become an oxymoron in recent years, a “democratic strategist” said:

“Americans love comebacks and Gore could come back as a real human being instead of a wooden guy. He could come back as the new Nixon — somebody who went into the wilderness and found himself.”

Well, went into the wilderness, anyway. Remember when Gore got lost in the woods once and the Secret Service had to go get him? Best to leave any wilderness references out of this, boys.

One thing Gore will have to get over quickly is that, judging by speeches in the past few years, it’s pretty apparent that this is one ticked-off man, bitter to the core at … well … all of us.

Hardly surprising though.

For eight years, Gore defended his lying, adulterous boss while watching his wife, Tipper, slap parental warning stickers everywhere except where they belonged – on Bill Clinton’s pants. During those years, Gore observed Clinton’s successful election and re-election, and naturally tried to emulate him politically.

The problem for Gore was that, as it is with watching great athletes and musicians, the Clinton’s make it look so easy that anybody thinks they can do it. In trying to copy the pattern of his former boss in achieving the nation’s highest office, Gore was like a three-fingered shop teacher convinced he can perform the same sleight of hand magic of David Copperfield. In doing so, Gore dropped the cards all over the floor, right next to his marbles.

The root of Gore’s real downhill emotional spiral began at the presidential debate where he wore so much makeup that Tammy Faye Bakker told him to “cool it on the foundation.” Gore looked like he rear-ended a Maybelline truck on his way to the theater that night. The content of the debate was lost amid the comments about Gore’s appearance, which even from his supporters were something along the lines of the mournfully positive fib you hear from the family at a funeral visitation – “Pop looks good, doesn’t he?”

Winning the popular vote and losing the election furthered the fierce combination of rage and depression, prompting Gore to go back to Tennessee and work on getting himself ready to play the role of Mr. French in “A Family Affair on Broadway”.

The sinking feelings of what might have been, combined with going from being a stone’s throw from the presidency to a tiny footnote in the history books, may have gotten the better of Gore, but then he decided to dive back into the political pool – head first, into water three feet deep.

Gore endorsed Howard Dean. The news was huge. This was the boost that would put Dean over the top – and did it ever. Dean was so excited, he let out a scream like an unsuspecting janitor at Lane Bryant who just barged in on Bea Arthur in the changing room.

Gore’s endorsement went to the same place his presidential hopes were dashed – south. It’s been all downhill for him since. Until, perhaps, now.

Gore will differentiate himself from Hillary, who is to the right of Gore on the war, and the Democrat base may once again give him a try, as long as can fend off Kerry and there are enough people who are stupid enough to believe that hurricanes Katrina and Rita were caused by Roger Ailes’ SUV and Laura Bush’s hairspray, the deck may be stacked in Gore’s favor.

Gore, at a recent speech, cracks everybody up with his Nikita Kruschev impression


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