This Thanksgiving, PETA wants you to go "Tofurkey" yourself

If you think about it, turkeys really do have a lousy existence.

First they must suffer the indignity of being called a “bird”, but can’t fly. On top of it, they’re ugly, have a brain the size of a poppy seed, and every winter they watch friends get plucked, gutted, have bread crumbs shoved up their butt, and thrown in an oven.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is asking, “Who speaks for the turkeys?” If you thought the answer to that question is “Howard Dean”, think again.

Actress Shirley Jones, who is best known from The Partridge Family, and also in… reruns of The Partridge Family, is urging Americans to spare turkeys this Thanksgiving.

Jones narrates a video for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals entitled “Life and Death for Factory Farmed Turkeys“. If you think that’s something, wait for the director’s cut… it’s hot!

According to the video:

They are crammed by the tens of thousands into dark, stifling warehouses where disease, smothering, and heart attacks are common.

I had no idea turkeys had their own version of the Port Authority.

So, this year, vow with me to not kill a turkey. It’ll probably get God-awful mad when we try to jam in the stuffing, but hey, whatever makes PETA happy.

If the little bugger won’t let you get the stuffing in without raising a flap, try vegetarian roast, called Tofurkey, or there’s UnTurkey.

Start a new tradition this holiday season. “Pop, would you do the honor of carving the bird-shaped soy and tofu lump?”

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Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: