A conservative Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving, may your family be well and your turkey have smokin’ hot tan lines!

I’ve begun my morning fast in preparation for an afternoon food offensive of D-Day proportions, and vowed to do my best to keep in check the Tourette Syndrome that always accompanies watching a Lions game.

Of the things to be most thankful for are, of course, family and friends, including the regular readers of this space. The ability of the latter to differentiate between the real and the satirical is impressive, and much appreciated. For those who have shown that they can’t tell the difference between the real and the satirical, I’m also thankful– because if it weren’t for you, the rest would have less at which to laugh.

This Thanksgiving, there are a few other things that I’m indeed thankful for. These include…

–I’m thankful for Hillary and Bill Rodham Clinton and their “wait and see” approach on whether or not the Iraq war was the right thing to do. If history views it favorably, they’ll be for it, and if it’s a disaster, they’ll be against it. Gutsy. Real gutsy. Cajones like that are rare in leaders these days.

–I’m thankful for the hypocritical left. The “share the wealth” caring nurturers who live in gated communities, whine about fossil-fuel pollution, think that public schools are just dandy, and then drive their kids to Montessori in an SUV.

–I’m thankful for those feminists who champion the cause of women’s rights and never selling out to men, while their grandkids are in the backyard playing balloon toss with one of their old breast implants.

–I’m thankful for folk singer Joni Mitchell, who once chastised us for paving paradise and putting up a parking lot, and just five years ago amended that to say that paving paradise was OK, provided the paradise was in Toronto, and the pavement was used to construct an area to display her star on the “Canadian Walk of Fame.”

–I’m thankful for Michael Moore, fighter against all forms of corporate greed, except book-publishing companies, movie theaters and all-you-can-eat buffets. Moore is special in that he has the audacity to urge people to give money to his corporation to see or read his latest attempts at making us hate corporations.

–I’m thankful for Ted Kennedy’s face, the sight of which reminds some of us of the honey glazed, spiral sliced ham we’ll be consuming at over the holidays.

–I’m thankful for the U.S. military, who defend our freedom– even our freedom to say what they’re doing is wrong, which we wouldn’t have the freedom to say if they weren’t doing what some of us say they shouldn’t be doing. It’s a fascinating irony.

–I’m thankful for the Kennedy assassination-style reportage of the separation of Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. Without being reminded of their split by a gossip mongering press with out-of-whack priorities, I wouldn’t be reminded that, in this stressful world, there are still things for which I’m completely and utterly indifferent.

Happy Thanksgiving, all!

“What’s my opinion of euthenasia? Well… they’re on the other side of the world, but they seem to be a lot like kids over here.”


Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. MichelleMalkin.com alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: WriteDoug@Live.com.