Reflecting on some favorites from the past year

Well, 2005 is just about history, but it brought some fun moments as far as my columns, stories, essays, and other stuff is concerned. Of course, there was the release of my book late this summer, but my main focus has always been on my weekly column, along with some newspaper op-eds and other stories and essays.

Before I start planning for 2006, which, of course, will come shortly after I’m done watching the “Tostitos-Valvoline-Chick-fil-a- Depends-Ty-D-Bol-Viagra-Cialis- Trojan-John Deere-Kraft-RotoRooter-eHarmony.com Fiesta Bowl”, I’d like to reflect on the previous 12 months.

Here are a handful of my personal favorites from 2005:

In February of 2005, there were the first Iraqi elections since the removal of Saddam Hussein. It was the detractors vs. the optimists. In other words, it ended up as “Ink on finger vs. egg on face

In April of 2005, a couple of historians said that Abraham Lincoln was gay. I discussed the claim in “Four score and seven queers ago“.

Hooters Airlines is expanding rapidly. Could it be coming to a city near you? I talk about it in this Lansing State Journal op-ed, “Hooters Air confirms it: Sex sells“.

That same month, producers of Sesame Street announced that the Cookie Monster would switch to a more healthy diet and lighten up on the cookies. I suggested some other characters for the show in order to continue to reflect today’s society in “Sesame Street tosses its cookies“.

As the Abu Ghraib photos began to circulate, Ted Kennedy celebrated like he was on Bourbon Street putting beads around the necks of shirt-lifting chicks. Why? Because “Ted Kennedy celebrates Mardi Ghraib“.

July 2005: Hillary Clinton begins a long, arduous, and comical move to the right in preparation for a White House run. The trek from leftist to centrist is a lengthy one for Hillary, and may turn into the Donner Party crossing. I talked about it in “Is Hillary aborting her principles?

My July 31st essay which ran in the Sunday edition of the Honolulu Advertiser discussing the future of the human race as it concerns space exploration: Lost in space.

Nothing’s funnier than when white liberals who never met a minority they didn’t love will throw a black conservative on the bus of racism for a drive back to the Jim Crow era. This is what they did and do with Condoleezza, and it will only get worse if she should run for high office. “Like white on Rice” discusses it.

Who doesn’t like tragedy exploitation? I know I do. That’s what Democrats did in the wake of hurricane Katrina. They taught us “Tragedy exploitation for fun & profit“.

What happens when a train carrying do-gooder liberal types overturns, spilling its contents into an unsuspecting, formerly normal town? It becomes a victim of spilled liberalism. Frightening!

In late October of 2005, California’s infamous Ninth Circuit Court ruled that parents have no say over what their kids are taught in school as it concerns sex. The madness is dissected in “Schoolhouse Crock“.

Tookie Williams was put to death this month, and with him, Hollywood activism. Several Malibu morons jumped up on the gurney with Williams in “Hollywood receives a lethal rejection“.

What does 2006 have in store for us? Here are my predictions.

On the non-political front, are you parents out there unable to find some alone time what with all the madness? In January of ’05 I wrote “A mom and dad’s guide to uninterrupted but not necessarily dignified sex“. You can thank me later.

And then, of course, there is the “Death of classic lesbianism” we’ve all been witnessing. There aren’t any good chick-on-chick trysts like the Joan Crawford/Marilyn Monroe romp anymore. Why?

Ever wonder how it came to be that we celebrate our birthdays? Me neither. I wrote about it anyway.

Happy New Year everybody! See you on the other side.
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Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

New Year's resolution madness

I’ve never met anybody who has actually kept a New Years resolution.

Oh sure, some people can keep a resolution for even up to a few days. Quitting smoking, stop drinking, better diet, make some more money, stop calling the neighbors kid fat, stop yelling at the video clerk because they’re out of the last copy of “Goodwill Humping”, “Buffy The Vampire Layer”, or “Lawrence of a-Labia” even when you phoned ahead and reserved the damn thing two days ago.

For the most part our New Years resolutions last about as long as a Twinkie in Michael Moore’s stomach acid.

It takes a light amount of insanity to make New Years resolutions, because you know it’ll fail, but you do it anyway.

When I say “insane,” I’m not talking about the serious, foaming at the mouth derelicts you see whackin’ off in bus stops across the nation. They obviously made no New Years resolutions at all, and good for them! No, I’m talking about a “light insanity,” the sort of gentle craziness that makes Leif Garrett think he can still get Nicolette Sheridan back. These are the people who make resolutions.

That much said, my New Years resolution for 2006 is to once again make no resolutions… except for maybe one that I won’t be able to keep–

I resolve to try to stop laughing at this picture:


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Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

New Year’s resolution madness

I’ve never met anybody who has actually kept a New Years resolution.

Oh sure, some people can keep a resolution for even up to a few days. Quitting smoking, stop drinking, better diet, make some more money, stop calling the neighbors kid fat, stop yelling at the video clerk because they’re out of the last copy of “Goodwill Humping”, “Buffy The Vampire Layer”, or “Lawrence of a-Labia” even when you phoned ahead and reserved the damn thing two days ago.

For the most part our New Years resolutions last about as long as a Twinkie in Michael Moore’s stomach acid.

It takes a light amount of insanity to make New Years resolutions, because you know it’ll fail, but you do it anyway.

When I say “insane,” I’m not talking about the serious, foaming at the mouth derelicts you see whackin’ off in bus stops across the nation. They obviously made no New Years resolutions at all, and good for them! No, I’m talking about a “light insanity,” the sort of gentle craziness that makes Leif Garrett think he can still get Nicolette Sheridan back. These are the people who make resolutions.

That much said, my New Years resolution for 2006 is to once again make no resolutions… except for maybe one that I won’t be able to keep–

I resolve to try to stop laughing at this picture:


_________

Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

"Casual conversation" latest weapon to fight terrorists at airports — Regis Philbin asked to join the TSA

Security screeners at 40 major airports will soon be trained in using casual conversation to flush out possible meanies who are on a “Virgin-quest” scavenger hunt. This should be interesting. A slip of the tongue is all that’ll be required:

TSA screener: Where ya goin’?

Passenger wearing turbin: Uh, Boston.

TSA screener: Go there much?

Passenger wearing turbin: This will be my second time.

TSA screener: Will that be shoe-bomb, or non-shoe bomb today?

Passenger wearing turbin: Shoe b… no, wait!

TSA screener: A-haaa!

ACLU lawyer: Can’t do that, Sparky. That’s profiling the dim-witted. Be on your way, passenger.

Too bad they didn’t have this “casual conversation” approach in place last year, and I wouldn’t have been pulled aside for extra screening— the screeners just would have been bored to death with a chat about the frustrations of the writing business and how bad the Detroit Tigers are.

“Good morning, sir. Nice bag. Hot one out there today, isn’t it? Say, when you were a kid, did you like to stick firecrackers up bullfrogs asses?”

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Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

“Casual conversation” latest weapon to fight terrorists at airports — Regis Philbin asked to join the TSA

Security screeners at 40 major airports will soon be trained in using casual conversation to flush out possible meanies who are on a “Virgin-quest” scavenger hunt. This should be interesting. A slip of the tongue is all that’ll be required:

TSA screener: Where ya goin’?

Passenger wearing turbin: Uh, Boston.

TSA screener: Go there much?

Passenger wearing turbin: This will be my second time.

TSA screener: Will that be shoe-bomb, or non-shoe bomb today?

Passenger wearing turbin: Shoe b… no, wait!

TSA screener: A-haaa!

ACLU lawyer: Can’t do that, Sparky. That’s profiling the dim-witted. Be on your way, passenger.

Too bad they didn’t have this “casual conversation” approach in place last year, and I wouldn’t have been pulled aside for extra screening— the screeners just would have been bored to death with a chat about the frustrations of the writing business and how bad the Detroit Tigers are.

“Good morning, sir. Nice bag. Hot one out there today, isn’t it? Say, when you were a kid, did you like to stick firecrackers up bullfrogs asses?”

_________

Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

Conspiracy theorists, start your engines! — The Zapruder film, stabilized for those who are too Stone'd

There’s reportedly a new “digitally cleaned up”, or “stabalized” version of the Zapruder film– the only movie made of the assassination of John F. Kennedy– making the rounds on the ‘net.

The sharper video supposed to show that a shot clearly came from somewhere other than high up in a building. If you see the “tape”, be skeptical.

A GIF of the video is here. It’s now so clear that you can plainly see the gay Castro sympathizing union thugs loading their weapons on the grassy knoll. I think we all owe Oliver Stone an apology.

Kidding, of course. As a matter of fact, I think the people circulating the video may owe Oliver Stone a “thank you” for making this particular film.

This looks to me a lot like the recreated scene Stone shot for his movie “JFK” (which can be viewed in “3D” provided you’re wearing blue and red glasses, along with a tinfoil hat). After all, Zapruder fakes have been exposed in the past. Of course, there are those who think that the Zapruder film itself is phony.

I’ll defer to the experts on this one, but I’m betting that particular tape is as authentic as the National Guard documents in Dan Rather’s briefcase.

This all originates from the whiffle-headed cuckoos at JFKMurderSolved.com. Oh, did you know that the Bush family may have been involved in the assassination? No, seriously. ‘Nuff said, eh?

Should be enough to warrant a nice headline in the New York Times though.
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Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

Conspiracy theorists, start your engines! — The Zapruder film, stabilized for those who are too Stone’d

There’s reportedly a new “digitally cleaned up”, or “stabalized” version of the Zapruder film– the only movie made of the assassination of John F. Kennedy– making the rounds on the ‘net.

The sharper video supposed to show that a shot clearly came from somewhere other than high up in a building. If you see the “tape”, be skeptical.

A GIF of the video is here. It’s now so clear that you can plainly see the gay Castro sympathizing union thugs loading their weapons on the grassy knoll. I think we all owe Oliver Stone an apology.

Kidding, of course. As a matter of fact, I think the people circulating the video may owe Oliver Stone a “thank you” for making this particular film.

This looks to me a lot like the recreated scene Stone shot for his movie “JFK” (which can be viewed in “3D” provided you’re wearing blue and red glasses, along with a tinfoil hat). After all, Zapruder fakes have been exposed in the past. Of course, there are those who think that the Zapruder film itself is phony.

I’ll defer to the experts on this one, but I’m betting that particular tape is as authentic as the National Guard documents in Dan Rather’s briefcase.

This all originates from the whiffle-headed cuckoos at JFKMurderSolved.com. Oh, did you know that the Bush family may have been involved in the assassination? No, seriously. ‘Nuff said, eh?

Should be enough to warrant a nice headline in the New York Times though.
_________

Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

Breaking the hip of The Old Gray Lady: Eavesdropping is a sign of the Times

Shh! Bush is listening!

David Rivkin and Lee Casey, both lawyers in the Reagan and H.W. Bush administrations, have an op-ed in the New York Times which is a slam-dunk defense of Bush and his so-called “eavesdropping”.

The amazing thing is that this op-ed, in utter contradiction with NYT editorial policy (“if it’s Bush rage, it’s front page”), didn’t create a black hole from which not even Valerie Plame could escape.

The New York Times had previously broken the “big story” that Bush was illegally snooping on people, unconstitutionally and in just plain nasty ignorance of the Bill of Rights– which, of course, is the job of New York Times reporters and not the president.

Forget the fact that, in 1982, the Times reported, in a very nonchalant manner, that a court ruled that wiretapping messages to and from overseas locations could legally be intercepted.

Bush was angered at the Times story and reportedly tried to get them not to run it, claiming it compromised national security, but liberals like Newsweek’s Jonathan Alter say Bush was just trying to save his ass.

Given the track record of the New York Times, not to mention Newsweek’s flushed credibility, I’m willing to err on the side of believing Bush, along with Rivkin and Casey.


A New York Times reporter first learns of Bush’s unconstitutional eavesdropping program

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Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

Human Events lists the "Top 10 RINO's" (Republican In Name Only), but who are the "DINO's"?

Human Events has a list of the top 10 donkeys in elephant clothing, known as “RINO’s”. No real surprises there.

The list contains more well-known fence-sitters than a flock of crows. Here are the names:

1. Sen. Lincoln Chafee (R.I.)

2. Sen. Olympia Snowe (Maine)

3. Sen. Arlen Specter (Pa.)

4. Sen. Susan Collins (Maine)

5. Rep. Christopher Shays (Conn.)

6. Gov. George Pataki (N.Y.)

7. Rep. Sherwood Boehlert (N.Y.)

8. Gov. Mitt Romney (Mass.)

9. Rep. Michael Castle (Del.)

10. Rep. Jim Leach (Iowa)

I’ve gone a step further and compiled a list of “DINO’s” (Democrats In Name Only). These are Democrats in national and state government who actually aren’t afraid to switch teams on principle. Here’s the list of DINO’s:

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Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

Human Events lists the “Top 10 RINO’s” (Republican In Name Only), but who are the “DINO’s”?

Human Events has a list of the top 10 donkeys in elephant clothing, known as “RINO’s”. No real surprises there.

The list contains more well-known fence-sitters than a flock of crows. Here are the names:

1. Sen. Lincoln Chafee (R.I.)

2. Sen. Olympia Snowe (Maine)

3. Sen. Arlen Specter (Pa.)

4. Sen. Susan Collins (Maine)

5. Rep. Christopher Shays (Conn.)

6. Gov. George Pataki (N.Y.)

7. Rep. Sherwood Boehlert (N.Y.)

8. Gov. Mitt Romney (Mass.)

9. Rep. Michael Castle (Del.)

10. Rep. Jim Leach (Iowa)

I’ve gone a step further and compiled a list of “DINO’s” (Democrats In Name Only). These are Democrats in national and state government who actually aren’t afraid to switch teams on principle. Here’s the list of DINO’s:

_________

Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.