That smell? The gift of life, my friend!

Fire up the SUV’s, fellow fuel hogs. Rip that catalytic converter from the underside of your vehicle, oh purveyer of carbon monoxide. Send a “thank you” note to Los Angeles, and run to the nearest cow pasture and yell “Fart, you bowel beleaguered bovine! Fart!”

Pollution could be saving our lives.

No, this isn’t official parody news , as I first suspected. It isn’t from Scrappleface, the Borowitz Report, Broken Newz, The Spoof, or any other fake news service that bills itself as a fake news service.

It’s from a fake news service billing itself as a real news service: The New York Times. Yes, the Old Gray Lady has been stricken with Alzheimers and is exhibiting behavior that leaves the reader more confused than Anna Nicole Smith in a flight simulator.

We’re constantly told that the United States and its horrendous pollutions is destroying the planet and causing global warming. Now comes this article in the New York Times “Science” section: Pollution May Slow Warming; Cleaner Air May Speed It, Study Says.

Pollution may be slowing global warming, researchers are reporting today, and a cleaner environment may soon speed it up.

Writing in the journal Nature, an international scientific team provides evidence suggesting that a reduction in haze from human causes may accelerate warming of the earth’s atmosphere. The researchers said pollutants had held down the rate of global warming by absorbing and scattering sunlight.

“If people clean up the air, more warming will come blazing through,” Jim Coakley, a professor of atmospheric sciences at Oregon State University in Corvallis, said yesterday in a telephone interview. Nature selected Dr. Coakley to write a commentary on the study.

I can see the bumper stickers now: “Save the planet: Burn your garbage”.

Captain Hazelwood, you are hereby granted clemency. You were saving us from ourselves and yet we yelled at you. Put another one on the rocks and put it on our tab. You were sentenced to 1,000 hours of picking up garbage along Alaska highways, but, on second thought, just leave it there!

We will fight against global warming, one lake at a time

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