Security screeners at 40 major airports will soon be trained in using casual conversation to flush out possible meanies who are on a “Virgin-quest” scavenger hunt. This should be interesting. A slip of the tongue is all that’ll be required:

TSA screener: Where ya goin’?

Passenger wearing turbin: Uh, Boston.

TSA screener: Go there much?

Passenger wearing turbin: This will be my second time.

TSA screener: Will that be shoe-bomb, or non-shoe bomb today?

Passenger wearing turbin: Shoe b… no, wait!

TSA screener: A-haaa!

ACLU lawyer: Can’t do that, Sparky. That’s profiling the dim-witted. Be on your way, passenger.

Too bad they didn’t have this “casual conversation” approach in place last year, and I wouldn’t have been pulled aside for extra screening– the screeners just would have been bored to death with a chat about the frustrations of the writing business and how bad the Detroit Tigers are.

“Good morning, sir. Nice bag. Hot one out there today, isn’t it? Say, when you were a kid, did you like to stick firecrackers up bullfrogs asses?”


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