I’ve never met anybody who has actually kept a New Years resolution.

Oh sure, some people can keep a resolution for even up to a few days. Quitting smoking, stop drinking, better diet, make some more money, stop calling the neighbors kid fat, stop yelling at the video clerk because they’re out of the last copy of “Goodwill Humping”, “Buffy The Vampire Layer”, or “Lawrence of a-Labia” even when you phoned ahead and reserved the damn thing two days ago.

For the most part our New Years resolutions last about as long as a Twinkie in Michael Moore’s stomach acid.

It takes a light amount of insanity to make New Years resolutions, because you know it’ll fail, but you do it anyway.

When I say “insane,” I’m not talking about the serious, foaming at the mouth derelicts you see whackin’ off in bus stops across the nation. They obviously made no New Years resolutions at all, and good for them! No, I’m talking about a “light insanity,” the sort of gentle craziness that makes Leif Garrett think he can still get Nicolette Sheridan back. These are the people who make resolutions.

That much said, my New Years resolution for 2006 is to once again make no resolutions… except for maybe one that I won’t be able to keep–

I resolve to try to stop laughing at this picture:


Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.


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