The Three Little Kegs: Senator Kennedy to publish children’s book

“On a cool February day in 1932, little Teddy Kennedy was born. Later that night, the baby’s father, Joe, leaned over the bassinet and kissed his new son. Because of that kiss, Ted’s cheeks still, to this day, display visible remnants of Gloria Swanson’s lipstick.”

That story isn’t just Kennedy family legend, it’s Ted Kennedy’s favorite childhood memory, and now the Massachusetts Senator is trying to give today’s kids similar experiences.

Ted’s been through it all: family tragedy, a couple of wives, a tour of duty as an Admiral in the Olds navy, an attempt at the presidency, and a long senate career– now Kennedy wants to tackle the literary world (outside of writing notes along the lines of “Meet me in the parking lot of Au Bar and don’t wear anything complicated”).

That’s right. Senator Kennedy and his dog “Splash” will be releasing a children’s book.

A man who drove a car off a bridge which killed a woman has the gall to name his dog “Splash”, you ask? Yep. Normally, this would require a level of nerve not seen since Bruno Hauptmann asked for his ladder back, but Ted’s had his nerve removed. If you look closely at Kennedy’s face, you can see several scars from his many compunction bypass surgeries.

According to the publisher, Scholastic, the book will take readers through a day in the life of the Senator, demonstrate how a bill becomes a law, and the proper mailing address at which to hastily return Jack Abramoff donations.

Hopefully the book records the joy in Kennedy’s eyes as he lets his beloved dog Splash get together with Joe Hazelwood’s dog – “Slick” – for a nice game of Frisbee at “Irony Park.”

The official title of the book will be, “My Senator and Me: A Dogs-Eye View of Washington, D.C.”, but I think we could have done much better. Perhaps something like…

“A Senator and His Dog: Teddy’s big day with Chivas Beagle”

“One Senator, Two Senator, Red Senator, Drunk Senator”

“The Three Little Kegs”

“One-Twentieth of a League Under the Sea”

“The Secret in Barney Frank’s Apartment”

“‘Of course mommy loves you, she didn’t kill you did she?’: Senator Ted Kennedy teaches kids about Planned Parenthood”

“Gin-Blossoming into Adulthood”

“Cars and Boats, which one floats?”

The possibilities are endless.

Note: My first book, “‘Because That’s the Way God Decided to Do It!’ – A conservative father fields confusing questions from his confused kids about a confusing world – Inadequate explanations of politics, parenting, economics, war, technology, and the future of the human race” is now available in paperback or as a downloadable Ebook. Click here to buy directly from Booklocker. It’s also available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

I’ve set up a page containing short samples from each chapter. Click here for chapter samples.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: