Monthly Archives: January 2006

New Bolivian president soon to be darling of the American left?

In December, Evo “Ponch” Morales was elected president of Bolivia by the widest margin since 1982.

Morales ran on the following platform which, if it weren’t for the pay cut thing, would threaten Morales with a lawsuit from American Democrats for copyright infringement:

–If elected, he’d cut his pay in half

–Fight corruption

–Increase taxes on the wealthy

–Renationalize energy companies

President Morales has already come through on his first promise, and has cut is pay more than in half to a little more than $1,800 a month. He’s urged other government officials to do the same, and they’ll pretty much have to, since no member of government can earn more than the president.

Evo says he wants to “share the burden of the poor”. This is yet another feature that would make Morales almost the perfect American Democrat in the mold of Kennedy, Kerry, Hillary, etc. Why only “almost”? The American left only wants you to share the burden of the poor– they’re not dumb enough to dive headfirst into that empty pool themselves.

However, “sharing the burden of the poor” does earn Morales an honorary degree from Kerry and Kennedy’s “Massachusetts Institute of Tomfoolery”, where students are taught that the only way to cure cancer is to get cancer.

When Bolivian voters realize that a leader who has jumped into the mudhole with them isn’t making them less muddy, be on the lookout for that nation’s 999th coup. One more and they win a five-minute shopping spree at “Futility R Us”.

Morales, right, “shares the burden” with a constipated moron, left

Peaceful, Fair Election: Jimmy Carter Urges More Terrorists on future ballots

You’ve often heard the saying, “Jimmy Carter is a much better ex-president than he was president”. Well, that’s no longer true.

Jimmy was overseas monitoring another election, followed by dinner where he mediated a settlement for a diner who was torn between “baked or fries”.

In the Palestinian parliamentary elections under Carter’s watch, the Islamic militant group Hamas won an overwhelming majority in the 132-seat Palestinian legislature.

Here’s the breakdown: Hamas won 76 seats, the Fatah party won 43, and thanks to Dade County, Palestine, one seat somehow went to Pat Buchanan.

Here’s what former U.S. President Jimmy Carter had to say about the Palestinian election:

“The elections were completely honest, completely fair, completely safe and without violence.”

Oh man. For those of you keeping score, Jimmy has now overtaken Billy in the “Most embarrassing Carter in history” race. Carter really needs to start using a hammer instead of his head to pound those nails.

So, there you go. The Hamas victory will be used as positive spin for peacenik thug huggers, euro wimps and pacifist stagflated appeasing ex-politicians like Jimmy Carter. How?

Because now people like Jimmy Carter can go to the rest of the world and teach them that one way to avoid suicide bombings and other violence at polling places is to see to it that terrorists are on the ballot. They’re not going to destroy a store they have a fair chance of winning.

Isn’t it funny how, mere hours after the Palestinian elections (and others around the world), Carter is able to praise the vote as “fair, peaceful, and honest”, but Jimmy would never ever consider offering the same punctual deference to an American election?

Clearly the U.S. should get more terrorists to run for high office (other than Bush). It would be the first election in a decade in the U.S. that Jimmy Carter considered “fair”.

In DC, a Picture is Worth a Thousand Reasons to Change the Subject

About a week ago, there was a slight ripple of excitement among Democrats after it was reported that photos had been discovered of George W. Bush with admitted felon and former lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

“Finally, we’ve got him!” Said many inside-the-beltway, along with those who would be inside but can’t fit all the way in.

They thought they “had him” (Bush) because Bush had previously stated that he’d never met Jack Abramoff. Well, he had, but apparently at a White House reception of some sort years ago on those cattle call nights when he gets his picture taken with hundreds of people.

How quickly is this story going to go away? Faster than Bubba can get a City College cheerleader out the back door when Hillary opens the front door. Why is it going to go away?

The New York Post helps explain:

As smoking guns go, surely these photos are far less incriminating than, say, the one taken at a White House Christmas party in which then-First Lady Hillary Clinton posed with Jorge Cabrera — just three weeks before he was arrested and charged with smuggling 6,000 pounds of cocaine.

He later pled guilty, amid reports that his $20,000 check to the Democratic National Committee came from an account replenished with cash from coke sales.

For that matter, back in the ’70s, then-First Lady Rosalynn Carter posed one-on-one with a Chicago Democratic precinct captain named John Wayne Gacy. Moreover, the photo was personally inscribed: “To John Gacy, Best Wishes — Rosalynn Carter.”

John Wayne Gacy… if there’s a clown you’d never let your kids within a mile of, it’s this guy.

Too add to the New York Post’s list, lets not forget Howard Dean’s photo-op with a producer of gay porno movies. This was while Howard was running for the Democrat nomination for president. Now at least we know where “the scream” came from.

Not to be outdone, Bill Clinton and Al Gore have rubbed elbows with Ukrainian mob boss Vadim Rabinovich.

Then of course there’s Georgia Representative Cynthia McKinney, who was captured in the same frame with notorious pedophile Michael Jackson. From a political standpoint, that’s incredibly stupid– I can’t believe Jackson was dumb enough to allow his picture to be taken with somebody like McKinney.

The list goes on.

The truth is, almost every politician has had a photo-op they’d rather be able to take back (a lot of them probably with Abramoff), which is why this Bush-with-Abramoff blockbuster will quickly become the 8-track-tape of stories.

Rosalyn Carter and serial killer John Wayne Gacy — too bad the Carter malaise wasn’t contagious

If Bush is dumb, Democrats are dumberer

The president has been giving Democrats all across the nation emotional wedgies for years, and they’re not going to take it– not from a moron like Bush.

The Washington Post today contains an op-ed entitled “Bush the incompetent“. Don’t be surprised, it always happens the day after the president defeats liberals at something.

The column isn’t worth quoting or anything. The author references the New York Times on more than one occasion, as if that will add a bit of factual credibility to the opinions, and the remainder is the usual sniveling liberal “I got beat so I’m going to take my ball and go home after I call your momma fat” tripe.

One valid question the column did bring to mind is one Democrats seem unwilling to ask themselves: “If Bush is incompetent, what does that make us?”

Take into account, however, that the Democrats are the party who missed out on the White House the last two times around, are run by complete out-of-touch wackos who have led them into the minority in both House and Senate, and whose constituency in South Florida once stared at ballot instruction in confused amazement, their heads tipped to the side like Labrador retrievers listening to a Stephen Hawking lecture.

Here’s George W. Bush, whose intelligence is, with the exception of a brief respite at the end of 2001, the continuous punch line in the jokes of late-night comedians. To the left, Bush is an illegitimate, dumb president who probably bought his way through Yale and puts Americans in harm’s way to enhance oil-stock portfolios.

This is a man who is picked on persistently by liberal columnists, not only in the above referenced column, but by the tragically misguided New York Times columnist, Maureen Dowd. Dowd, former companion to Michael Douglas until he realized she was over 30 and not named Catherine Zeta Jones, has quilled in gastro-expulsions of wasted ink that Bush is a “Boy Emperor,” and much more.

Bush can stay so jovial because he’s probably certain that history will record him as a successful president, and Dowd will be, at best, remembered for having feet so big that future generations will debate if she was, indeed, a dude.

Then there’s Molly Ivins, who’s another notorious Bush basher who thinks the president is a moron. Accusing somebody else of being stupid is a tough thing to pull off when you yourself possess a tubby Scarlett O’Hara-esque southern drawl and look like a special needs troll doll.

On the liberal political and activist front, the list of those others who must be suffering paroxysms of confusion abound: Schumer, Kennedy, Carville, Leahy, Gore, Begala, Clinton (both of them – making mutual confusion the first thing they’ve done together since loading the White House china and tea service onto a U-Haul a few years ago), Streisand, Daschle, Sheen, Kerry, Gephardt, and all the rest of the political clowns who are jammed into the same leftist car.

Election season is fantastic entertainment. Every two years, we witness to the biggest parade of over-exposed boobs that – unless you’re attending biannual parties at the Playboy mansion – is unique to the election process. Many elections are exquisite in their predictability, but those during Bush’s tenure have thrown Democrats for a loop and, in more lucid circles, have them asking themselves, “How did a total buffoon get the best of us?”

The big mistake of the Democrats was, and is, in thinking that Bush was behind them intellectually. Oh, he was behind them all right – but not for any intellectual reason. He was back there grabbing the waistband of their skivvies, preparing to give them the wedgie of a lifetime.

Now, Democrats, with chaffed bums and angry snarls, hurl insults as best as anybody can while gagging on the stretched out waistband of their own shorts that is pulled up and over their heads.

Google serves Chinese — an hour later, you're searching again

Internet search engine Google is now starting service in China, helping citizens there search for anything and everything (that’s government approved). Google has agreed to filter their search results to meet with government limits in China.

The site is “Google.cn“. Odds are that relatively quickly you won’t be able to go to Google.cn, type in “Tiananmen square massacre” and read these articles, or see these pictures.

It’s probably just a temporary oversight, since the Google people and China’s government are no doubt preoccupied with eliminating access to any articles or photos involving parents with more than one kid.

Rest assured they’ll get to that other stuff faster than you can say Falun Gong.

Google serves Chinese — an hour later, you’re searching again

Internet search engine Google is now starting service in China, helping citizens there search for anything and everything (that’s government approved). Google has agreed to filter their search results to meet with government limits in China.

The site is “Google.cn“. Odds are that relatively quickly you won’t be able to go to Google.cn, type in “Tiananmen square massacre” and read these articles, or see these pictures.

It’s probably just a temporary oversight, since the Google people and China’s government are no doubt preoccupied with eliminating access to any articles or photos involving parents with more than one kid.

Rest assured they’ll get to that other stuff faster than you can say Falun Gong.

NBC cancels "Book of Daniel" — Stay tuned for the premiere of "Jesus: The TV Show"

A television network tried to tackle religion once again, with the same old results.

NBC’s controversial program, “The Book of Daniel”, about an Episcopal priest named Daniel Webster who is a pill-popper with a drunken wife, drug dealing daughter, gay Republican son, and bisexual aunt, has been canceled.

You just can’t make a show about “Any family USA” these days, can you? Once again, middle America gets a slap in the face.

Jesus was also a recurring character on the program. It’s really too bad that the program was canceled before NBC could produce the obligatory “tonight, on a very special ‘Book of Daniel'” episode where Jesus confesses his bulemia to his psychologist (Randolph Mantooth).

Goodbye to yet another shot at a fictional television program revolving around religion. Networks have tried it before, with hideous results. The more recent have included “Jesus: The Miniseries” and “Noah’s Ark“, which struck a factual iceberg and sank off the coast of Artistic License.

Why are so many of these movies and shows so wildly off-base and borderline insulting to any Christian?

When you consider how many of these shows come to be, it isn’t surprising. This is why Mel Gibson avoided any big production companies when he made “The Passion of the Christ“, but the money made by “The Passion” lures others, who should avoid it, into the genre.

At this very moment, a conversation is taking place somewhere near Hollywood. A large production company is putting together a film that we’ll call “Jesus: The TV Show”. The planning is going something like this:

A producer’s phone rings and a speakerphone button is pushed.

“Mr. Hollywood here. Talk to me!”

“Hi, Mr. Hollywood. It’s Joe Screenwriter. We’ve finally started production on the ‘Jesus’ show, and I thought you’d want to hear the finished script Rubenstein and I came up with.”

“Sure. Who do we have playing Jesus, anyway?” Mr. Hollywood asks.

Papers flip, then Screenwriter says, “Matthew Perry has agreed to do it.”

“Dennehy,” Mr. Hollywood wonders. “What happened to the Brian Dennehy deal?”

“Well, everything was fine until Mr. Dennehy put on the sackcloth robe for run-throughs. I don’t know much, but I do know that Jesus shouldn’t have plumber’s crack.”

There is a long pause as Mr. Hollywood thinks. Joe Screenwriter can hear a pencil tapping on a pad of paper. “OK, Perry’s fine. Why don’t you let me hear the outline of the script you’re working from … and the Cliff’s Notes version. I’ve got to go bail out Winona Ryder again. Good Lord, how many Saks blouses does one woman need?”

“Not sure, sir,” says Screenwriter as he picks up his rough draft for “Jesus: The TV Show,” flips in a few pages and begins the outline.

“In the first scene, Jesus is born, but He’s not the person everyone thinks. He’s actually the son of Hebrew slaves. His mother, Jochebed, played by Shelley Long, is …”

“Wait,” Mr. Hollywood interjects. “Are you getting your stories mixed up? Wasn’t the mother of Jesus named Mary?”

“No, I think that was Job’s mother.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway,” Screenwriter continues, “after Shelley gives birth to Jesus, she puts the kid in a basket and sends Him down the river.” Screenwriter flips a page. “At this point we’re having a little subplot involving a love affair between two characters named Matthew and Sheena. Matthew is a stone carver and Sheena is his lover who, while Matthew’s away carving stones, decides to explore her own homoerotic fantasies with her neighbor. Ann Heche is playing the part of the neighbor.”

“I hear Heche is a complete nut job.” Mr. Hollywood points out. “Can we work with her?”

“I’ll put it this way,” Says Screenwriter, “We could have spent $4 million to get Heather Graham, but Heche would take the part as long as we agreed to give her $50 in euro coins, a gumball machine and have a priest from the Raelian cult grant her eternal youth.”

“I’ll take a bargain over stability any day,” points out Mr. Hollywood, as he sits back in his chair and takes another puff on a cigar. “Go on, Screenwriter.”

“To make a long story short, the polar ice caps melt due to global warming, which was induced by severe ozone depletion caused by Bethlehem’s Republican mayor having months earlier lifted the town’s long-time ban on leaf burning. The melting ice caps flood the planet, and this prompts a guy named Jack to build an ark.”

“Jack’s Ark?” Mr. Hollywood questions sarcastically.

“The name ‘Noah’ tested horribly in focus group,” Screenwriter quickly explains.

“Gotcha,” Mr. Hollywood shoots back.

“So,” Screenwriter continues, “the boat gets built, and Jack, the two lesbians and a bunch of animals float around for a while, get their shirts wet a lot, and make shallow and mindless social commentary in a cheap attempt to forward a liberal Hollywood political agenda.”

“When does Jesus come back into play here?” asks Mr. Hollywood.

“Down the line a bit, when the people on the Ark discover Him still floating in the basket and pull Him on board. Also, in sticking to the literal interpretations of the Bible, we’ve got Jesus feeding five loafers with two fishes, inheriting the earth from the meek and stuff like that.”

“I love it!” opines Mr. Hollywood. “It’s absolutely brilliant! OK, hit me with the ending.”

At that moment, a janitor, who had been outside the door listening, angrily barges in and puts forth a plea: “Have Jesus sentenced to death by Pontius Pilate and led to a cross to be crucified. The last scene should be of Jesus being resurrected three days after His death and ascending to heaven to act as Savior for all mankind.”

“Buddy,” says Mr. Hollywood, motioning toward the door, “in this business, we deal with facts. You do your job, we’ll do ours.”

—–

Note: There’s a lengthy discussion thread which was started by somebody posting this article over at Free Republic. No tears over the cancellation from the Freepers.

NBC cancels “Book of Daniel” — Stay tuned for the premiere of “Jesus: The TV Show”

A television network tried to tackle religion once again, with the same old results.

NBC’s controversial program, “The Book of Daniel”, about an Episcopal priest named Daniel Webster who is a pill-popper with a drunken wife, drug dealing daughter, gay Republican son, and bisexual aunt, has been canceled.

You just can’t make a show about “Any family USA” these days, can you? Once again, middle America gets a slap in the face.

Jesus was also a recurring character on the program. It’s really too bad that the program was canceled before NBC could produce the obligatory “tonight, on a very special ‘Book of Daniel'” episode where Jesus confesses his bulemia to his psychologist (Randolph Mantooth).

Goodbye to yet another shot at a fictional television program revolving around religion. Networks have tried it before, with hideous results. The more recent have included “Jesus: The Miniseries” and “Noah’s Ark“, which struck a factual iceberg and sank off the coast of Artistic License.

Why are so many of these movies and shows so wildly off-base and borderline insulting to any Christian?

When you consider how many of these shows come to be, it isn’t surprising. This is why Mel Gibson avoided any big production companies when he made “The Passion of the Christ“, but the money made by “The Passion” lures others, who should avoid it, into the genre.

At this very moment, a conversation is taking place somewhere near Hollywood. A large production company is putting together a film that we’ll call “Jesus: The TV Show”. The planning is going something like this:

A producer’s phone rings and a speakerphone button is pushed.

“Mr. Hollywood here. Talk to me!”

“Hi, Mr. Hollywood. It’s Joe Screenwriter. We’ve finally started production on the ‘Jesus’ show, and I thought you’d want to hear the finished script Rubenstein and I came up with.”

“Sure. Who do we have playing Jesus, anyway?” Mr. Hollywood asks.

Papers flip, then Screenwriter says, “Matthew Perry has agreed to do it.”

“Dennehy,” Mr. Hollywood wonders. “What happened to the Brian Dennehy deal?”

“Well, everything was fine until Mr. Dennehy put on the sackcloth robe for run-throughs. I don’t know much, but I do know that Jesus shouldn’t have plumber’s crack.”

There is a long pause as Mr. Hollywood thinks. Joe Screenwriter can hear a pencil tapping on a pad of paper. “OK, Perry’s fine. Why don’t you let me hear the outline of the script you’re working from … and the Cliff’s Notes version. I’ve got to go bail out Winona Ryder again. Good Lord, how many Saks blouses does one woman need?”

“Not sure, sir,” says Screenwriter as he picks up his rough draft for “Jesus: The TV Show,” flips in a few pages and begins the outline.

“In the first scene, Jesus is born, but He’s not the person everyone thinks. He’s actually the son of Hebrew slaves. His mother, Jochebed, played by Shelley Long, is …”

“Wait,” Mr. Hollywood interjects. “Are you getting your stories mixed up? Wasn’t the mother of Jesus named Mary?”

“No, I think that was Job’s mother.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway,” Screenwriter continues, “after Shelley gives birth to Jesus, she puts the kid in a basket and sends Him down the river.” Screenwriter flips a page. “At this point we’re having a little subplot involving a love affair between two characters named Matthew and Sheena. Matthew is a stone carver and Sheena is his lover who, while Matthew’s away carving stones, decides to explore her own homoerotic fantasies with her neighbor. Ann Heche is playing the part of the neighbor.”

“I hear Heche is a complete nut job.” Mr. Hollywood points out. “Can we work with her?”

“I’ll put it this way,” Says Screenwriter, “We could have spent $4 million to get Heather Graham, but Heche would take the part as long as we agreed to give her $50 in euro coins, a gumball machine and have a priest from the Raelian cult grant her eternal youth.”

“I’ll take a bargain over stability any day,” points out Mr. Hollywood, as he sits back in his chair and takes another puff on a cigar. “Go on, Screenwriter.”

“To make a long story short, the polar ice caps melt due to global warming, which was induced by severe ozone depletion caused by Bethlehem’s Republican mayor having months earlier lifted the town’s long-time ban on leaf burning. The melting ice caps flood the planet, and this prompts a guy named Jack to build an ark.”

“Jack’s Ark?” Mr. Hollywood questions sarcastically.

“The name ‘Noah’ tested horribly in focus group,” Screenwriter quickly explains.

“Gotcha,” Mr. Hollywood shoots back.

“So,” Screenwriter continues, “the boat gets built, and Jack, the two lesbians and a bunch of animals float around for a while, get their shirts wet a lot, and make shallow and mindless social commentary in a cheap attempt to forward a liberal Hollywood political agenda.”

“When does Jesus come back into play here?” asks Mr. Hollywood.

“Down the line a bit, when the people on the Ark discover Him still floating in the basket and pull Him on board. Also, in sticking to the literal interpretations of the Bible, we’ve got Jesus feeding five loafers with two fishes, inheriting the earth from the meek and stuff like that.”

“I love it!” opines Mr. Hollywood. “It’s absolutely brilliant! OK, hit me with the ending.”

At that moment, a janitor, who had been outside the door listening, angrily barges in and puts forth a plea: “Have Jesus sentenced to death by Pontius Pilate and led to a cross to be crucified. The last scene should be of Jesus being resurrected three days after His death and ascending to heaven to act as Savior for all mankind.”

“Buddy,” says Mr. Hollywood, motioning toward the door, “in this business, we deal with facts. You do your job, we’ll do ours.”

—–

Note: There’s a lengthy discussion thread which was started by somebody posting this article over at Free Republic. No tears over the cancellation from the Freepers.

Hollywood stars forced to take pay cuts — Malibu on catered suicide watch

First Ford announces plant closings and job cuts, and now this? It’s been a terrible day.

Facing declining cinema audiences, Hollywood is trying to persuade its top actors to set an example by cutting back a lucrative arrangement known as “first dollar”, under which the director, producer and stars receive a share of a film’s box office take regardless of whether the studio has covered its filming costs.

Tom Hanks had been expected to share 40% of the takings of The Da Vinci Code — to be released in May — with Ron Howard, the director, and Brian Grazer, the producer, in addition to their own fees. Instead, they will reportedly settle for 25%. Studios hope this will become the industry standard, claiming that this will leave them with more money to spend on the films….

…According to industry reports, Disney also cut down on star salaries before filming two sequels to Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp is believed to have sacrificed his “first dollar” to allow the studio to afford Keith Richards, the Rolling Stones guitarist, upon whom he modelled his piratical performance.

Hopefully this doesn’t make for diminished films. You go from paying somebody $25 million per movie and drop them to about $15 million, and the quality of the craft suffers as the actors go looking for other work or attempt to drown their sorrows.

Some Hollywood celebs, upon hearing the crushing financial news, have even taken the desperate measure of selling their dinnerware on eBay

Monday's column: Roe v. Wade's 33rd anniversary (for those of you gifting, it's something between pearl and coral)

My column today at WorldNetDaily is on the “celebration” by so many of the anniversary of the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade decision legalizing abortion.

Whatever side of the issue you find yourself, you’ve got to admit that the “party” atmosphere created by many organizations on the anniversary of the the law is more than disturbing.

Give a read to “33 years? And they said it wouldn’t last“.