Since the dawn of man, we have been filled with a motivation to move forward. We’re wondrous creatures in our adaptability and ingenuity. We’ve created fire, tools, the wheel, medicine, machines, space travel, automatic garage door openers, and Hip-Hop. Okay, seven out of eight ain’t bad.

Over all those thousands of years we’ve been pushing our intellects to become a better, more efficient civilization. Arguably, we have.

There is an urge in all of us that tugs at the core of our biological makeup, just as it did a thousand years ago. An urge that’s so overwhelming that we’ve stopped fighting it. For many of us, if this need is not met, it could be at the cost of our very survival. We’ve come a long way to be sure, but at our core, once we reach the “chewy nougat” that makes up the center of our genetic candy bar, we still have one perverted thought:

“How can I get my hands on some of his stuff?”

Cave dwellers asked themselves that, and if they didn’t get what they wanted, they used their club to achieve those ends. These days people are far more civilized. Now when people ask themselves how they can get a hold of your stuff, they get elected to congress. And if that still doesn’t get them some of your stuff, then they come over and club you.

They don’t do it themselves though, since it would be difficult to get re-elected after wearing a blood stained Armani on the campaign trail.

Enter the I.R.S., which gives politicians the ability to commit crimes without leaving any fingerprints on the gun, and demonstrates for us the single component that separates modern man from primitive man; Subcontracted coercion.

Paying taxes wasn’t always such a treacherous undertaking. For a long time this country was run on very limited funds. Up until the early 1800′s the government was operated purely on internal sales taxes and revenue from a gigantic powdered wig closeout sale. Then in 1817 the government got rid of internal taxes and functioned completely on tariffs on imported goods. Can you imagine running the bloated monster of a Federal Government we have today solely on the 4% we’d get from taxes imposed on imports of tennis shoes and plastic novelty poop?

We were created with the ability to create. All this is evidenced in the brilliance of many of our finest moments, from medicine to art to science. But that all came to an end with the adoption of the 16th amendment in 1913. The amendment gave Congress legal authority to tax income and resulted in a revenue law that taxed incomes of both individuals and corporations.

All the creative energy that would have gone into curing disease, designing grand buildings, music, and exploring the farthest reaches of the universe, now goes into trying to figure out a way to write off our lawnmower as a dependant. In 1913 we stopped creating and evolving and started scheming.

On the upcoming “Tax Day” next month, all the people who owe money will line up at the last minute at the post office to send off the forms that they hope are filled out correctly. Those of us who get a refund have sent our forms in already, because we’re excited about getting money back. Why? I have no idea. It’s like letting your friend borrow your Mercedes and then a year later having him give you back the steering wheel and a tire.

In a mere couple of weeks, America’s biggest homework assignment of the year is due. I think the government chose the middle of April because they thought that in the springtime, as a young man’s fancy turns to other things, his hands will be too busy to notice that his pocket is being picked.


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