Tom DeLay has announced that he will resign from the House of Representatives. Democrats are expected to comment as soon as they finish masturbating, but for many, all signs point to a swing in momentum that will culminate in the Democrats taking control of the House. Is that the case?

DeLay stepping down is a monumental achievement the Democrats. For the Donkey Party, this is the political equivalent of Bannister’s four-minute-mile, Lindbergh’s trans-Atlantic flight, or Robert Ballard’s deep-sea discovery of Ted Kennedy’s hood ornament.

The resignation of Tom DeLay has been a reason for inside-the-beltway Democrats to party, which is fine – the strippers could use the money. After the dust settles and everybody looks around, there will be one stark realization: Democrats are still in the minority, and, by all indications, this will continue – with or without DeLay.

Why will this most likely not result in massive Dem gains? To use a football analogy out-of-season, the entire Democrat strategy for regaining control of Congress and the White House revolves around waiting for the other team to fumble. Teams who hope to get to the Super Bowl based on opponent mis-steps and have no game of their own end up getting about as far as Barbara Mikulski in the Boston Marathon.

Don’t be deceived by the fact that DNC headquarters is reacting to the DeLay stepdown with all the vigor of Paris on Bastille Day. In all reality, Republicans can lose weight, but ugly is forever. Tom DeLay gone won’t make John Kerry or Al Gore president, or infuse Nancy Pelosi with coherence.

The disappearance of “The Hammer” can’t return Barbara Boxer’s frontal lobe to it’s locked and upright position, stop the “rich getting richer on the backs of the poor,” wipe Hillary clean of the velociraptor grin, end Charles Rangel’s painfully obvious and embarrassing race-baiting, or get Richard Durbin to stop insulting the U.S. military. It isn’t because Republicans are unbeatable, it’s that the Democrats’ agenda is as varied and appetizing as a day-old meatloaf bar with no sneeze guard.

Tom DeLay may have helped effectively forward the Republican agenda, but he is as much the reason the Democrats are out of power as the water is responsible for the sinking of the Titanic.

The past few days there have been several columns, stories, blog posts, and essays from a variety of people who could be described as anything but DeLay fans. After reading this anger, you’d swear that Tom DeLay was the man who stole their bike and kicked their dog when they were younger. Some of these assessments of DeLay stop just short of “… and he once shot a man just fer snorin’ too loud.”

The Democrats’ celebration over Tom DeLay’s resignation will continue for some time, but the odds are good that a few months from now they will find themselves right back where they are today, and looking for yet another villain to blame their failings on. Until the Republican villian du jour is a mirror, Democrats will never understand.


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