The Windfall Prophets: Government Greases Itself With Oil

Yeah, gas prices are high. Sure, Lee Raymond got a $400 million retirement package. Everybody’s in an uproar. Bush is ordering a probe into gas price cheating.

The funny part? The probe will be conducted by the biggest gas price cheats of all: The government.

I don’t like putting $50 into my car a couple of times a week any more than the next guy, but, put into perspective, it’s still far down on the list of things to bitch about, if we’ve got to bitch about something.

There are people at the gas pumps screaming bloody murder as they fill up their tanks, and hardly anybody says a word when Uncle Sam takes over 40% of their incomes.

Don’t fall for the government B.S. Geniuses like Arlen Specter, who makes “watching paint dry” seem like it should be a sport in the X-Games, are calling for a windfall profits tax on the oil companies, which of course will be passed on to you. Duh. How about a “windfall pinhead tax”, Senator Specter?

And who’s really making the money and profiting on gasoline? Here in Michigan, the government, and I’m talking just the state of Michigan, takes about 30 cents per gallon. (Here’s a PDF of how much your state takes). The local, state and federal national average for total gas taxes is 45.9 cents per gallon. Evil oil companies make in the neighborhood of 9 cents per gallon. Make sure to point the real crooks, folks.

Is the government talking about waiving their huge take until the “crisis” is over? Nope. Not only that, but check this out, they have a petition on the State website for citizens to sign to get gasoline prices lowered. After that, go to and sign the petition to get Bonnie and Clyde to stop robbing banks. 

How does that help you? It doesn’t. Who cares. They don’t. They’ll be able to blame the even higher prices of gas on greedy oil companies, because so many of us refuse to see the forest through the trees.

Yes, the United States government, in particular the Senate, is questioning gas prices, and oil company profits.

Rest easy, America– pillars of integrity, many of whom somehow managed to become millionaires from a lifetime of “public service”, are handling these crooked oil companies.

Weren’t we just talking about this? In November of 2005, the U.S. Senate grilled oil company execs over “obcene profits”.

A political body, headed up in part by the Massachusetts duet of Kennedy and Kerry– philandering gravy-boat captain whose family made their fortune running rum during prohibition, and a gigolo, sit in judgment of what constitutes “profiteering”.

California Sen. Barbara Boxer was so up in arms that you’d have though those oil execs were trying to talk somebody out of a late-term abortion. Robert Byrd was shocked because he hasn’t been in the same room with such greedy white men since the time he was in arrears on his Klan dues.

Hillary Clinton, who turned a couple of Chuck E. Cheese game tokens into over a hundred grand trading cattle futures, also sits in judgment of these money grubbing petrol peddlers.

So, if you’re tired of paying so much for gas and are waiting for time-honored “government intervention” to make the prices drop, you may first want to sit down and hope that the sun rises in the west (your Senator can see to it, if you’ll just give him enough money).


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Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: