In the past, when writing about Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy, I’ve used the word “compunction” in various ways.

An online dictionary defines “compunction” this way:

1) A strong uneasiness caused by a sense of guilt.

2) A sting of conscience or a pang of doubt aroused by wrongdoing or the prospect of wrongdoing.

There are many reasons to believe that Ted Kennedy has undergone compunction-bypass surgery, probably at a very early age. The title of Ted’s new book is yet further proof, but we’ll get to that in a second.

Observing Kennedy through the years, it’s clear that he’s almost flaunting the events at Chappaquiddick that night in 1969. Either that or the joke isn’t a joke at all, and he actually has undergone a compunction-ectomy.

Let’s put this into personal perspective. If you were responsible for the drowning death of a person (neglectfully, accidentally, on purpose, or whatever the reason) would you praise somebody else for saving a person from drowning? This is what Ted Kennedy did in speeches when endorsing John Kerry for President.

Statements like this are the most telling symptom of Kennedy’s ivory tower induced moral myopia. Ted Kennedy, without batting an eye, can proudly laud a colleague for saving someone from drowning? This takes some serious nerve – right up there with Lizzy Borden praising the skillful hatchet work of Paul Bunyan.

Ted’s even got a dog that he named “Splash.” I often wonder if he ever lets Splash get together with Joe Hazelwood’s dog – “Slick” – for a nice game of Frisbee at “Irony Park.”

Now comes the latest example. Ted Kennedy has a book coming out. The book is entitled “America: Back on track“. Ted will use all his past experience in this area. The first step to getting something back on track? Calling a wrecker, finding a detailer skilled at getting water damage out of an Oldsmobile uphostery, and lobbying government for stronger bridge guard rails. Could it be that simple? It is for a Kennedy.

Kennedy is now in his seventh term in the Senate, and eyeing and eighth. This makes Kennedy the second-longest-serving active senator – the longest-serving, if you happen to catch the Senate on a day when Robert Byrd has gone away to dedicate another building or highway to himself or to have one of his old Kleagle hats blocked.

Ted remains popular in Massachusetts, perhaps partly due to his liberal politics, and partly because of his “uncle who’ll buy them beer” persona, and an eighth term is a sure thing for Ted. Given past shamelessness, I simply can’t wait for Ted’s next book, which will probably be a children’s tome entitled “Jack, duck!” (touching fictional story of a young beanstalk climber and his feathered, web-footed quacking friend).


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