You have to pity the litigiously altered world our kids are growing up in, or, to put it more accurately, not growing up in.

Take the Portland, Oregon schools, for example. “Safety advocates”, some of whom are just nosy pencil-neck dorks who got picked last for teams in gym class and are hell-bent on revenge, and some of whom should be called “anti-lawsuit specialists”, have already gotten the Portland schools to get rid of swingsets, tube slides, track rides, arch climbers and teeter totters. Also, in Broward County, Florida, no running on the playground! (unless it’s to a recount)

Other districts have banned tag, dodgeball, and other formerly fun stuff.

There is some sanity in this story, however:

An adult watching the students play says it’s really the nature of childhood to take small risks and find out what they can do and what they can’t do.

One child psychologist points to the rising trend of childhood obesity in defense of letting kids play like kids.

National statistics indicate 34 percent of kids are overweight, with obesity projected to be nearly 50 percent in the year 2010.

But safety advocates point to different numbers, saying playground accidents cause 200,000 injuries nationwide each year, and 17 deaths.

The rise in obesity isn’t helped by safety dorks tasering a kid every time they begin to skip rope.

This will all be handled soon, though. Don’t worry, our kids won’t miss out on all the good things in childhood. It won’t be long before all our kids are sitting on their butts, playing video games featuring kids playing tag, running on a playground, climbing monkeybars, and, with any luck, whipping dodgeballs at “safety advocates” and a legal system that has brought all this upon us.


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