At 47, Madonna is at the age where you see her onstage, and you stop thinking of her as a “pop diva”, and start feeling like you’re watching your aunt Beatrice, who had too much to drink at a wedding reception and is now waving her panties over her head and barking into the microphone while dry-humping the DJ.

At what point will this all become a total embarrassment and turn full-blown “What ever happened to baby Jane?” Madonna will make sure we find out.

During Madonna’s new concert tour which opened last night in L.A., she stages a mock crucifixion, apparently after being sentenced to death by Raunchius Pilate. One has to wonder why Madonna only feels compelled to mock Christianity and not, oh, Islam or something like that. Could it be that she enjoys her breathing privileges way too much, or is she just not a very good cartoonist?

Obligatory for any artist of Madonna’s stature, she’s also comparing Bush to Hitler. We’re not yet sure if the comparison is referring to the current U.S. president, however.

According to the Reuters story, here’s how it begins:

Out popped Madonna, in S&M-styled riding gear and whip, singing the new tune “Future Lovers” as four bare-breasted male dancers writhed around with ball gags in their mouths.

Then Madonna checked out of the hotel and headed over to the arena for the concert.

Madonna has become a superhero of sorts. Not because of great abilities or powers, but for her transformational prowess. She can be in full “normal mother with spiritual depth” mode one minute – sort of like Donna Reed after a weekend of brainwashing at the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s ashram – then jump into a phone booth and quickly change into “Super-Slut, the Caped Cluelessader,” saving the world from sexual inhibition and general decency while hipping us to other uses for vegetables and modeling bras that will poke the eyes out of those who dare venture too close.

One thing that Madonna has admitted to doing is hiding her children from what she does for a living, or perhaps more importantly, how she does it. We can give her credit for that, but that credit is taken back after she has the audacity to not have a care in the world if our children are exposed to what she does.

Before you know it, she’ll have to figure out a way to isolate her grandkids from what she does.

Madonna is an interesting case study. She spent the majority of her career as the Mecca for aspiring skanks and two-bit perverts everywhere, teaching our kids that nothing is sacred, anonymous sex is great, and cone bras on gay men are wonderful accessories.

Then, after having her own kids, she moved to England to develop good manners and escape an immoral nation. Wisely, Madonna would take no part in raising her children in a country whose youth spent their formative years under the lewd tutelage of their own mother.

Is it too much to ask that we just leave her up there?


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