Atheist Michael Newdow, who has sued to have the words “under God” removed from the Pledge of Allegiance, and ”so help me God” axed from the presidential oath of office, was attempting to have the words “In God We Trust” taken off American coins and currency.

Here was Newdow’s argument against “In God We Trust”:

Newdow claimed that by using coins and currency bearing the phrase, he is forced to carry religious dogma, proselytise and evangelise for monotheism.

Wow, and I just thought my wallet contained the means to buy a gallon of milk, when in fact the entire time I’ve been being slowly indoctrinated by bible thumpers? This dude is really overthinking those little green pieces of paper, isn’t he?

For most of us, if carrying “religious dogma which is proselytising and evangelising for monotheism” means our wallets are full of cash, we’re thrilled. Not Newdow, so he sued.

At any rate, a U.S. court didn’t agree:

Judge Frank Damrell of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California held in his opinion that “In God We Trust” is secular in nature and use, and its appearance on coins and currency does not show government coercion on behalf of monotheism.

So, another Newdow case has been thrown out. Michael Newdow has become the Billy Martin and Earl Weaver of modern day judicial politics; There’s a lot of yelling, protest and flying dust, but in the end, he gets tossed out of the game every time.

Michael Newdow’s next lawsuit: Suing to make it illegal for people to yell “Oh, God!” during orgasm. Just because your partner is riding you like a mechanical bull does not give you the right to proselytise and evangelise for monotheism, pal!

I’ll go a step further and predict that Newdow will insist that “Oh God!” during orgasm be replaced by:

–”Oh, nothing!”


–”Oh, insert deity of your choosing here, and if you choose to recognize no deity, that’s fine too!”

–Ninth Circuit Court, here I come!”


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