The Pentagon, taking heat from people whose lives as yet don’t hinge on information that a suspected terrorist possesses, has announced that it will release all of their interrogation tactics to the public.

From the A.P.:

The decision, which comes after months of internal debate and pressure from members of Congress, would reveal interrogation tactics in a long-awaited revision of the Army Field Manual, despite arguments that it could allow enemy prisoners to better resist questioning.

Pressure from members of Congress?

I guarantee you, if it was thought that a suspected terrorist had info on an attack on some member of Congress and refused to discuss it, you could throw out the Army Field Manual.

If Congress were in danger, any and all of the following techniques would get the green light:

–Being told they’ll be made to ride shotgun with Ted Kennedy while driving over a bridge after a St. Patrick’s Day party.

–Inform them that their name has been entered into’s database for a match-up, then tell them to enjoy their candlelight dinner with Ward Churchill.

–Endless tape-loop footage of Nancy Pelosi’s latest facelift surgery while Howard Dean’s “Yee-ahhh” blares repeatedly from a nearby stereo.

–Forced to stand in the most dangerous place in the world: between Michael Moore and a box of Krispy Kreme.

–Subjected to repeated sleepovers at Barney Frank’s apartment.

–Kept in a cold, darkened room for hours on end, listening to nothing but “Air America.” The misery would continue during commercial breaks, as the hosts would badger them for the money to pay the utility bill so the lights and heat can be turned back on in the studio.

–Forced to attend a liberal Hollywood political fund-raiser and discover to their utter horror and disappointment that they’ve been beaten to the job, for a jihad has already been declared against George W. Bush.

–Repeatedly warned that if they perform any terrorist acts on American soil, California’s Ninth Circuit Court will prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law if it is discovered that their bomb vest contained asbestos.

–Strapped to Patrick Kennedy’s front bumper.

–Kept in solitary confinement… at a Dixie Chicks concert.

Feel free to add to the list.


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