The media still has a certain number of things they can’t bring themselves to understand — either that or can’t bring themselves to admit. Some of their biggest questions are why was the cold war won, and even who won it?

You can’t say “cold war” without thinking of the late great Ronald Reagan, along with his nemesis, who recently sat down for an interview.

What’s been up with former general secretary of the Soviet Union’s Communist Party (GenSecSoComm), Mikhail Gorbachev? ABC News and Claire Shipman wanted to find out, as well as to revise and rewrite history in the process.

Here’s the first paragraph of the story:

Mikhail Gorbachev is generally regarded as the man who broke down the “iron curtain” that separated the communist world from the West and thawed the Cold War between the United States and the Soviet Union.

Gorbachev took initiative in breaking down the iron curtain in the same way that a fire hydrant outside a dog pound takes the lead role in showering. Stories like this remind me interviews with somebody with a bloody nose and a black eye, but the headline reads “Aggressors knuckles damaged by local hero.”

Anybody unbiased and with their eyes open during the 1980′s could plainly see that it was Ronald Reagan who headed up “Extreme Makeover: Eastern Bloc Edition,” and presided over the collapse of the Berlin Wall – a demolition which rippled right on through to Moscow, ending in the implosion of the Soviet Union.

It sounds as if the famous birthmark has developed deep roots that are tweaking the bitterness part of Gorby’s brain: 

The former general secretary of the Soviet Union Communist Party accused Americans of arrogance and trying to impose their way of life on other nations.

“Americans have a severe disease — worse than AIDS. It’s called the winner’s complex,” he said. “You want an American style-democracy here. That will not work.”

A communist accusing others of trying to impose their way of life on others? This is like Hitler calling you “over aggressive.”

But wait a minute, how can America have a “winners complex” when ABC makes it perfectly clear that it was Gorby who accomplished all the greatness, culminating in the ending of European communism? I guess what Gorbachev is saying is that Americans are just too stupid to realize they lost.

If Americans have a winners complex, then Gorby has a losers complex – but there’s nothing complex about it. He’s just a loser.

When Reagan said, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” it wasn’t a polite request, it was a wedgie heard ’round the world. Gorby is still pulling his underwear out of his crack on that one, and it’s perfectly understandable that he’d still be suffering a bit of chaffing.

Above we see a reenactment of Reagan (top) vs. Gorbachev (bottom, blue shirt) in a match that was billed as “The underwear tear in Red Square.”


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