Monthly Archives: July 2006

Whole Lotta Hitler: Graf Zeppelin Found in Baltic Sea

When you think “Zeppelin,” what’s the first thing that pops into your mind, other than Jimmy Page and Robert Plant? Probably German airships, right? Well, there were also Zeppelins that were aircraft carriers — one, to be exact.

Here’s something for all you history buffs…

The crowning achievement of Adolph Hitler’s navy, the aircraft carrier Graf Zeppelin, has been found at the bottom of the Baltic.

Experts in the Polish navy, in addition to vehemently denying that the Polish navy ever manufactured submarines with screen doors, confirmed that the rusty discovery was indeed the famous ship.

According to Der Spiegel, while sounding for oil deposits in the Baltic Sea, Polish workers discovered the wreck about 34 miles outside the Polish harbor town of Wladyslawowo, near Gdansk — two cities that sound as if they were named by Boris Yeltsin after happy hour.

The story is indeed an interesting one. Here’s the gist:

Divers working for the Polish oil firm Petrobaltic on Monday discovered the rusting hulk of Nazi Germany’s only aircraft carrier, the Graf Zeppelin, sunk in mysterious circumstances by the Soviets after World War II. Its exact location had been a riddle for almost 60 years…

…Hitler started the war before the German navy finished building its prestige ship. His planners gave priority to building U-Boats, and the Graf Zeppelin had to be towed to Gdansk, where it was used for storage. The Germans finally anchored it in a shallow stream feeding the Oder, where troops blew holes in its hull before they fled the invading Red Army. The Soviets renovated the ship, and moved it — but how it met its final end is still the subject of controversy.

So, the Graf Zeppelin never made it to the operational stage, but it did manage to end up where it was destined to be in either case — at the bottom of the sea. Theories as to how and why the Graf ended up at the bottom of the sea vary. Some believe that the Soviets had overloaded the ship with post-war booty and it sank in a storm, some believe it was carrying a top-secret cargo of some sort and was scuttled, and others believe that Ted Kennedy was driving.

Fortunately, the “thousand-year Reich,” like the planes Hitler envisioned on the deck of the Graf Zeppelin, was never allowed to take off.

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Red vs. Blue: This Week's "Hysterical Comparison to a Famous Despot" Throwdown

The “despot comparison throwdown” this week is just just about to get underway, and it’s a doozy. Today, our competitors are two heavy hitters in politics.

In the red corner, we have Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe, solid conservative and former participant in this competition for once comparing the EPA to the Gestapo. When cornered, Inhofe is known to lift old people with one hand and threaten to drop them:

In the blue corner, we have DNC Chairman Howard “Yeeaargh!” Dean. Dean’s skills include a high decibal yawp that makes the ears of political opponents run red with blue-state blood — it’s a yell that is also, coincidentally, the mating call of the Tinitus Warbler. Dr. Dean has been known to sacrifice little kitties when cornered:

And we’re underway!

Inhofe has scored quickly by comparing Al Gore’s global warming fright-fest to tactics used by the Nazis.

“It kind of reminds . . . I could use the Third Reich, the big lie,” Inhofe said.

“You say something over and over and over and over again, and people will believe it, and that’s their strategy.”

Actually, that reference is one part Hitler, and one part Joseph Goebbels, so Inhofe scores two points on this shot.

But the competition won’t take it lying down…

Doctor Dean is countering the Inhofe strategy by comparing Florida Senate candidate Katherine Harris to Joseph Stalin:

“Thank God for Bill Nelson, because we’d have another crook in the United States Senate if it weren’t for him. He is going to beat the pants off Katherine Harris. She doesn’t understand that it’s…improper to be chairman of a campaign and count the votes at the same time. This is not Russia and she is not Stalin.”

This gallant effort to compare the former Florida Secretary of State and current U.S. Representative to the man who murdered 20 million people earns Dean a point. But what now? Dean is still down 2 to 1?

This is where a good politician finds his second wind. This is what they’ve trained for.

Dean is now pushing Inhofe, and the entire Republican party, back on the ropes by calling Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki an “anti-Semite.” Ooh, that had to hurt! This is, by default according to the judges, the equivalent of comparing every Republican to Adolph Hitler, and earns the man that his opponents call “The Vermont Vermin” another point. Howard Dean has tied the score at 2-2 right at the end of regulation!

Get ready for the overtime! These two competitors do not like each other.

Some action now down in the bullpen. I see a Pol Pot reference warming up alongside an Osama bin Laden comparison. Will Dean and Inhofe go to the righty, or the lefty in the overtime?

Stay tuned!

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Red vs. Blue: This Week’s “Hysterical Comparison to a Famous Despot” Throwdown

The “despot comparison throwdown” this week is just just about to get underway, and it’s a doozy. Today, our competitors are two heavy hitters in politics.

In the red corner, we have Oklahoma Senator Jim Inhofe, solid conservative and former participant in this competition for once comparing the EPA to the Gestapo. When cornered, Inhofe is known to lift old people with one hand and threaten to drop them:

In the blue corner, we have DNC Chairman Howard “Yeeaargh!” Dean. Dean’s skills include a high decibal yawp that makes the ears of political opponents run red with blue-state blood — it’s a yell that is also, coincidentally, the mating call of the Tinitus Warbler. Dr. Dean has been known to sacrifice little kitties when cornered:

And we’re underway!

Inhofe has scored quickly by comparing Al Gore’s global warming fright-fest to tactics used by the Nazis.

“It kind of reminds . . . I could use the Third Reich, the big lie,” Inhofe said.

“You say something over and over and over and over again, and people will believe it, and that’s their strategy.”

Actually, that reference is one part Hitler, and one part Joseph Goebbels, so Inhofe scores two points on this shot.

But the competition won’t take it lying down…

Doctor Dean is countering the Inhofe strategy by comparing Florida Senate candidate Katherine Harris to Joseph Stalin:

“Thank God for Bill Nelson, because we’d have another crook in the United States Senate if it weren’t for him. He is going to beat the pants off Katherine Harris. She doesn’t understand that it’s…improper to be chairman of a campaign and count the votes at the same time. This is not Russia and she is not Stalin.”

This gallant effort to compare the former Florida Secretary of State and current U.S. Representative to the man who murdered 20 million people earns Dean a point. But what now? Dean is still down 2 to 1?

This is where a good politician finds his second wind. This is what they’ve trained for.

Dean is now pushing Inhofe, and the entire Republican party, back on the ropes by calling Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki an “anti-Semite.” Ooh, that had to hurt! This is, by default according to the judges, the equivalent of comparing every Republican to Adolph Hitler, and earns the man that his opponents call “The Vermont Vermin” another point. Howard Dean has tied the score at 2-2 right at the end of regulation!

Get ready for the overtime! These two competitors do not like each other.

Some action now down in the bullpen. I see a Pol Pot reference warming up alongside an Osama bin Laden comparison. Will Dean and Inhofe go to the righty, or the lefty in the overtime?

Stay tuned!

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Hillary's Bust at the Museum of Sex: My Eyes! My Eyes!

Just when I thought I was going to be able to sleep nightmare-free for once, I read that a bust of Hillary Clinton is going to be put on display at The Museum of Sex.

Here’s a little more on the subject, and here’s the bust (warning: not for weak stomachs):

A blog called “Kitty Litter” points out some uncomfortable information by featuring a video of an interview with the artist (scroll up a bit for that), who seems to be a little too excited by the feel of his cold clay subject (he enjoyed touching the bust too).

Kitty Litter also brings up another disturbing reality. Check out this similarity:

The artist, named Daniel Edwards, clearly has latent malaise issues.

My evening is ruined.

Hillary’s Bust at the Museum of Sex: My Eyes! My Eyes!

Just when I thought I was going to be able to sleep nightmare-free for once, I read that a bust of Hillary Clinton is going to be put on display at The Museum of Sex.

Here’s a little more on the subject, and here’s the bust (warning: not for weak stomachs):

A blog called “Kitty Litter” points out some uncomfortable information by featuring a video of an interview with the artist (scroll up a bit for that), who seems to be a little too excited by the feel of his cold clay subject (he enjoyed touching the bust too).

Kitty Litter also brings up another disturbing reality. Check out this similarity:

The artist, named Daniel Edwards, clearly has latent malaise issues.

My evening is ruined.

Bob Dole Gets Nailed to the Wall

As soon as I ran across the headline on the Newsmax.com website entitled “Bob Dole gets nailed to the wall,” the first thought that occurred to me was “poor guy…the Viagra must have backfired.”

But instead, the story was only about Bob having his official portrait hung at the U.S. Capitol — thank God.

House Vote Supports 2nd Amendment Rights During All Disasters, Except House Votes

As Bill Clinton might say, “it depends on what your definition of ‘legal’ is.”

From the A.P.:

The House voted Tuesday to prevent law enforcement officers from confiscating legally owned guns during a national disaster or emergency.

This vote was meant to address the fact that firearm confiscations during hurricane Katrina left residents unable to defend themselves from various threats, such as looters or visits from Sean Penn.

The NRA may consider this vote a small victory, but it still outlines the depth of the problem as it exists: that the 2nd Amendment can be subject to temporary repeal based on the whim of the moment.

The vote also directly implies that the confiscation of legal firearms when there isn’t an “emergency” is perfectly acceptable. So, who gets to decide what is or isn’t an “emergency”? The government, of course. The next time there’s a major problem, such as another Katrina or something along that level, if the government decides they should confiscate legal firearms, if they only refer to it as a “big inconvenience” instead of an emergency, can they sidestep the House resolution?

I’ve always been fiercely pro 2nd Amendment rights. The thinking behind my stance when I was young and didn’t really know much about the issue was, “even if I’m wrong, I’m on the side of the people with all the guns.”

That opinion still stands (unless the government has taken their guns), but it goes much deeper than that.

About 230 years ago, a people who were sick and tired of living under a faraway king’s laws, taxes and fruity-looking powdered wigs, sacrificed their lives, and in many cases, fortunes, and staged a daring fight for independence. The U.S. government, which now consists, figuratively speaking, of more Brits than colonists, can’t allow that to happen yet again.

Fortunately, the battle against the British was facilitated by the British, who dressed their soldiers in bright red uniforms. The only way they could have stuck out more would have been to sew a giant neon “bullseye” sign on each coat. Now, for Americans, the distinction between good guy and bad guy isn’t nearly as easy.

So, government has decided to let us have our guns during an “emergency,” since, while we’re busy fighting for our lives we probably won’t have any thoughts about overthrowing any government entity. When things are going smoothly, that’s when the government has something to worry about, and that’s why they can still take our guns pretty much whenever they want.

Rest easy, America. The government is proving that they may, if the mood strikes, fight for your constitutional rights during hurricanes, nuclear attacks or earthquakes. Aside from that, you and your rights are still fair game.

By the way, who gets to constitute what is or isn’t an “emergency”? Here’s a hint: Not you.

Many of us consider some of the tripe that comes out of Congress to be a major emergency, but that’s why we’re not the ones who get to decide.

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The War Against Herer: French Police Thwart Attempt to Roll World's Longest Joint

Surprisingly enough, the following story does not involve Willie Nelson.

The perps used a Zig-Zag avoidance maneuver, but it wasn’t enough. French police have brought down the joint, quite literally:

Police in France said they had thwarted an attempt by a group of marijuana smokers to roll the world’s longest joint by seizing a work-in-progress measuring 80 centimetres (32 inches) in length. “At some point, these young people had wanted to craft a joint of 1.12 metres to beat the world record in the discipline and get it officially registered,” said a police officer in eastern France.

The creation of the “world’s longest joint” milestone was intended to go hand-in-hand with the setting of the “world’s most unemployed man” record, but that will have to wait.

They were so close, too. All that was left was to get the Guinness Book of Records people on the phone, but that never happened because the phone wasn’t near the couch, but was rather “way over there on the TV stand…”

Unbelievable– the record attempt was thwarted. This is exactly the kind of fascism that prompted Chief Wana Dubie to run for Missouri state Rep. so as to ensure that this sort of hash-ist culture doesn’t come to middle America. (What? Oh, it’s already here, says Jack Herer.)

This story got me to wondering: What is the longest joint ever rolled? There must be a record of some sort that doesn’t involve a Cheech & Chong movie. The closest I could find was a discussion on a message board from a couple of years ago entitled, creatively enough, “what’s the longest joint you ever rolled?”

Whatever that record is, it’s safe for now, because France has done their part to protect the world from complacent misguided THChronic-heads with too much free time and money.

I always wondered what Parisian Dead-Heads would do once there was no more Grateful Dead to follow around. Now I know.

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Two men are simulating either, A) what the world’s largest joint would have looked like, or B) oral sex on the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com