For the weekend, I want to divert from talking about all the problems in Israel, Lebanon and other places, and relax by taking some time to discuss something about which I don’t care too deeply: the fall of celebrity.

I’ve always had a soft spot for people who gained fame at a very young age, because it usually doesn’t last and they end up on an ash heap of history swatting at imaginary flies, wondering “what happened?”

This disappointment, as former “friends” leave when they discover there’s no more money, families squabble over any royalty scraps like chum in shark infested water, and a feeling of being a has-been who’s never to recover former glory, can be a crushing blow. This can all lead to depression, drug use, suicide, or even worse, boxing . Apparently it can even turn you gay, but that’s a discussion for another day (the shocking part of the Lance Bass “coming out” story was that, apparently, the rest of NSync are not gay. Who knew?)

As far as it concerns Britney Spears, it would appear she’ll soon be sprouting a hitch and has aspirations of becoming a double-wide.

Britney Spears’ bubble-gum brand of pop music and lack of desire to shock is what ensured that she would not end up as the next Madonna, and as a result have a lifelong career which would enable her to publicly change genres and religions a good half a dozen times.

Spears’ career started out innocently enough:

This phase, despite apparent public confusion over which end the baby’s supposed to come out, went hand-in-hand with the typical-yet-successful pop-song formula of mind-numbing beats that even Labrador Retrievers could manage to keep time to. Eventually, that’s not enough.

Then, as Hollywood demands, success for a woman always brings with it a husband with aspirations of becoming a rap star. This is actually a good stage in the rise and fall of a pop star, since that bling investment will be a nice thing to have around when they reach the “pawn shop” phase.

PR people tried to prolong Britney’s career by connecting her to Madonna — quite literally — such as when Spears kissed Madonna at an awards show:

It was meant to be a sort of ”passing of the bimbo torch” ceremony for bleach-blonde doofy diva dingbats, but the Madonna magic didn’t stick, and now Spears is spiraling downward, soon to crash headlong into Gary Coleman, Leif Garrett, Debbie Gibson, the cast of Facts of Life, and countless others.

There’s a new video out of Spears rambling, belching and talking about weird things just like the rest of us do when nobody’s watching. It officially marks the end of her pop music career. Britney still doesn’t get it. Only make sex tapes! Nothing less is acceptable to the pop culture consumer, and the backlash will result in ruin.

For Britney, it’s on to the next phase of former child/teen star evolution – the much maligned “Hey, where’s there a K-Mart around here?” phase.

What does the future hold for Britney Spears?

Probably more children…

…along with appearances on “Where are they now?” programs.

Until then, two things are certain: Spears’ music career is over, and I won’t feel sorry for her until she has less money than I do, which could be a long time, unless she marries many more lecherous rap-star wannabes.


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