“On a cool February day in 1932, little Teddy Kennedy was born. Later that night, the baby’s father, Joe, leaned over the bassinet and kissed his new son. Because of that kiss, Ted’s cheeks still, to this day, display visible remnants of Gloria Swanson’s lipstick.”

– Kennedy family urban legend


Okay, enough of the history lesson. Let’s get to the business at hand.

The esteemed Admiral of the Oldsmobile Navy had an op-ed column in yesterday’s Hartford Courant castigating Vice President Cheney for painting the Lamont victory over Joe Lieberman as good news for terrorists.

Among the interesting tidbits Ted pens are claims that the war in Iraq has recruited new terrorists. I guess we’ll know this is true if there’s an anti-war Democrats sweep in November, but until then, let’s focus not on the message as much as the Democrats chosen messenger.

Debates over the war are healthy, and everybody has an opinion, but this isn’t so much about Ted’s opinion as it is why he fails to bring more people on board (so to speak) to his way of thinking.

Kennedy closes his column this way:

The November election will teach Dick Cheney and others of his ilk that they cannot use fear to cling to power. As Will Rogers said, “It’s no disgrace not to be able to run a country nowadays, but it is a disgrace to keep on trying when you know you can’t.”

Just for the record, Will Rogers’ words also apply to driving and taking nephews out for a drink.

This is where Kennedy and his leftist colleagues lose the argument — at least as far as people who know anything about Kennedy and the Democrats but may otherwise be on the fence as far as choosing sides goes.

Using fear to cling to power? Is Kennedy pissed at Cheney for doing this, or rather for infringing on a Democrat copyright?

A liberal Democrat accusing somebody of using fear to cling to power is like Sandra Bernhardt pointing at you and yelling “Ugly!”

Read more of Kennedy’s arguments in his op-ed and be prepared to put on nose-plugs, because it reeks of irony at every turn.

One fine example is “Cheney and his crowd are all for free and open elections as long as they turn out their way.” And if they turn out the Republicans way, Kennedy and friends virtually always jump in to claim they weren’t open and fair.

The problem for the Massachusetts Senator, who is the most fun in the springtime when the gin-blossoms are in full bloom, is that he can never escape the fact that he’s Ted Kennedy.

People have a tendency to avoid advice from somebody who has, say, aided in the drowning of a woman but then lauds a fellow Democrat for saving somebody from drowning, as Kennedy did at a John Kerry campaign rally in 2004. This takes some serious nerve – right up there with Lizzy Borden praising the skillful hatchet work of Paul Bunyan.

Ted’s even got a dog that he named “Splash.” I often wonder if he ever lets Splash get together with Joe Hazelwood’s dog, “Slick,” for a nice game of Frisbee at “What’s Everybody Laughing About? Park.”

Ted often speaks of greed and ill-gotten gains of corporate America yet survives nicely on a ton of money made from his father in great part by running rum during prohibition.

Ted comes from a family who sent his sister away to be lobotomized and kept in an institution. Ironically, the “special needs” daughter got in the way of the family’s political agenda of raising sons who could attain high political office, where they could lobby for the human rights of the less fortunate. In addition to the lobotomy, it looks like Ted’s father may have forced Ted to undergo a compunction bypass procedure around the same time.

Kennedy’s words have gone beyond who’s right and who’s wrong, and is really about a party that allows a joke and an embarrassment to be their leading voice. That in and of itself says more about the Democrats than anything they can or can’t effectively argue.

When faced with two choices, I’m more inclined to go with the one not endorsed by the babbling, shameless embarrassing boob.

How can Republicans battle Ted? They’ll have to pull some serious weight. Frankly, I’m not sure the GOP has the guts to do it:


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