Red alert! Red alert! Somebody get Al Gore on the doomsday hotline! Activity for this 2006 tropical storm season is below normal. This news could be of category-5 devastation for global warming demagogues, but it won’t be.

Rest assured that packs of scientists are huddled together with uber-meteorologist Al Gore in an undisclosed location heated by fossil fuel to put together an explanation of how the lack of hurricanes so far is due to the powerful ’05 season.

I predict that it will soon be explained that nature will take bigger cycles because global warming will cause it to ”shoot it’s wad,” for lack of a better term, and it will take perhaps more time to reload the chamber. Here will be the spin:

“Due to global warming, storm seasons such as that seen in 2006 will become more and more violent, but only every third or fourth year initially. Human induced CO2 levels are increasing at an alarming rate — so much in fact that it’s reaching all the way to Mars — and the diminished tropical season you’re seeing now is due to a state of meteorological recoil. Like a snake that’s rearing back to spring for a bite, so will the weather if we don’t adhere to the letter of the Kyoto Protocol. The 2007 tropical season will be enormous, and if it isn’t then global warming is even worse than we thought, and the punch in ’08 or ’09 will be devastating.”

As we’ve seen in the past, the global warming argument has all bases covered. Even cooling is caused by the warming.

Bill Clinton demonstrated this in a speech not long ago in Montreal. Clinton pointed to evidence of global warming, including that glaciers in the Himalayas, and Arctic sea ice, are melting and the warm Atlantic currents are slowing down.

One result of a slowing Gulf Stream would be, for several reasons, more severe winters and cooler summers in Europe. As Bill might say, “It depends on what your definition of ‘warming’ is.”

The global-warming theory is brilliant in its conception, because even cooling to the point of another ice age is proof of the warming. Now, my guess is that we’ll soon have a “reasonable” explanation for the lack of tropical activity. No explanitory stone will be left unturned. The only area of the argument left uncovered is the part where the hand sticks out to collect the money.

Come back, sweet Katrina. Al needs you.


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