Monthly Archives: September 2006

Rep. Foley Turns The Wrong Page

Republican Rep. Mark Foley of Florida recently resigned his position after it was discovered he sent suggestive emails to a 16-year-old male page among others. Here’s the really disturbing part: Foley chaired the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children.

Get ready for the “It was only in the name of research” defense. It worked for for Pete Townsend.

Foley’s job is now listed on his former website as a “vacancy.” Anybody need a job? The only qualifications are the ability to wildly spend somebody else’s money, and preferably an inkling of knowledge about how the Internet works.

Oprah's "16 Sexiest Men in the World" — Noticably Absent: Dr. Phil and Rosie O'Donnell

Oprah (specifically, “O” magazine) has announced the list of the sexiest men in the world. It looks as though the winners were chosen by throwing darts at Drudge Report links.

Among the not-so-surprising feel-good inclusions is Markos Moulitsas Zuniga, who runs the liberal blog The Daily Kos. Bloggers are now among the sexiest people on the planet? How long can it be before we see the school lunch lady in the Miss America contest? There’s a good reason we stay confined to our living rooms, and it ain’t because we’re smokin’ hot.

You know it’s gotta be Oprah when a “homeless advocate” is one of the sexiest earthlings. Talk about one of the most inappropriately named “jobs” in the history of careers. Who the hell “advocates” homelessness anyway? How do you work your way up to that job? By starting out small by advocating hemorrhoids, cold sores and male pattern baldness? Either way, apparently it’s sexy. I don’t advocate homelessness. Actually, I encourage people avoid it if at all possible. This means I’ll never make Oprah’s list. Darn.

Jeffrey Sachs, a U.N. economic advisor, also made Oprah’s list. Sachs wants the world to forgive billions of dollars of African debt, and if not, encourages African nations not to pay it back. This is sexy. I wonder if Oprah would think it was equally as sexy if we all ordered her magazine and never paid for it.

Others on the list include David Gregory (I’ll assume this is the NBC reporter, not the 17th century mathematician), Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols, Illinois Senator Barack Obama, and Cory A. Booker, mayor of Newark, New Jersey, marking one of the few times you’ll see the words “Newark” and “sexy” on the same page.

Oddly enough, the man who’s was running an “Oprah for President” campaign and was threatened by Oprah’s people with getting his pants sued off for copyright infringement didn’t make the list, despite an apology from Oprah.

The magazine says “The true turn-ons are brains, humor, compassion and commitment.” Too bad men don’t have boobs, or that sentence could be a lot shorter. Women really tend to complicate things, don’t they?

In that spirit, since the two Google founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, made Oprah’s “sexiest” list, I decided it would be appropriate to Google “brains humor compassion commitment.” The results were interesting, and also didn’t include anybody on Oprah’s list. I found a yoga school, the Dalai Lama, and a review of the movie “50 first dates.” Those things will be on next years list.

Another inclusion is Fareed Zakaria, editor of Newsweek International. Zakaria is the man who wrote a piece in the weeks following 9/11 entitled “Why they hate us.” The mere title implies that America burned Ike Turner’s dinner. Sexy! In defense of Zakaria, titling the piece “why we hate them” in the direct wake of 9/11 would have been most redundant. Mega popups on your website is also smokin’ hot! Oh, and his sexy doesn’t just pull in the ladies. Jon Stewart of The Daily Show finds Zakaria “an intellectual heartthrob.”

Then there’s Patrick Fitzgerald, the special prosecutor investigating the outing of Valerie Plame. Fitzgerald knew that Richard Armitage outed Plame but indicted Scooter Libby instead. Being a political hack must indeed be sexy — as long as the proper people are the ones being hacked.

Here’s Debbie Schlussel’s take on Oprah’s list. Debbie says that “if these men are sexy, sex is dead.” Well, I can’t really comment on that, so I’ll open the floor to the ladies.

There are a couple others on Oprah’s list, but how much sexy can we handle in one column?

Coming up in next month’s special “psychobabble swimsuit issue”: Celebrity jammy parties, two Maya Angelou poems about how being poor sucks, and an essay about why people who abduct kids are, like, total jerks

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Oprah’s “16 Sexiest Men in the World” — Noticably Absent: Dr. Phil and Rosie O’Donnell

Oprah (specifically, “O” magazine) has announced the list of the sexiest men in the world. It looks as though the winners were chosen by throwing darts at Drudge Report links.

Among the not-so-surprising feel-good inclusions is Markos Moulitsas Zuniga, who runs the liberal blog The Daily Kos. Bloggers are now among the sexiest people on the planet? How long can it be before we see the school lunch lady in the Miss America contest? There’s a good reason we stay confined to our living rooms, and it ain’t because we’re smokin’ hot.

You know it’s gotta be Oprah when a “homeless advocate” is one of the sexiest earthlings. Talk about one of the most inappropriately named “jobs” in the history of careers. Who the hell “advocates” homelessness anyway? How do you work your way up to that job? By starting out small by advocating hemorrhoids, cold sores and male pattern baldness? Either way, apparently it’s sexy. I don’t advocate homelessness. Actually, I encourage people avoid it if at all possible. This means I’ll never make Oprah’s list. Darn.

Jeffrey Sachs, a U.N. economic advisor, also made Oprah’s list. Sachs wants the world to forgive billions of dollars of African debt, and if not, encourages African nations not to pay it back. This is sexy. I wonder if Oprah would think it was equally as sexy if we all ordered her magazine and never paid for it.

Others on the list include David Gregory (I’ll assume this is the NBC reporter, not the 17th century mathematician), Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols, Illinois Senator Barack Obama, and Cory A. Booker, mayor of Newark, New Jersey, marking one of the few times you’ll see the words “Newark” and “sexy” on the same page.

Oddly enough, the man who’s was running an “Oprah for President” campaign and was threatened by Oprah’s people with getting his pants sued off for copyright infringement didn’t make the list, despite an apology from Oprah.

The magazine says “The true turn-ons are brains, humor, compassion and commitment.” Too bad men don’t have boobs, or that sentence could be a lot shorter. Women really tend to complicate things, don’t they?

In that spirit, since the two Google founders, Larry Page and Sergey Brin, made Oprah’s “sexiest” list, I decided it would be appropriate to Google “brains humor compassion commitment.” The results were interesting, and also didn’t include anybody on Oprah’s list. I found a yoga school, the Dalai Lama, and a review of the movie “50 first dates.” Those things will be on next years list.

Another inclusion is Fareed Zakaria, editor of Newsweek International. Zakaria is the man who wrote a piece in the weeks following 9/11 entitled “Why they hate us.” The mere title implies that America burned Ike Turner’s dinner. Sexy! In defense of Zakaria, titling the piece “why we hate them” in the direct wake of 9/11 would have been most redundant. Mega popups on your website is also smokin’ hot! Oh, and his sexy doesn’t just pull in the ladies. Jon Stewart of The Daily Show finds Zakaria “an intellectual heartthrob.”

Then there’s Patrick Fitzgerald, the special prosecutor investigating the outing of Valerie Plame. Fitzgerald knew that Richard Armitage outed Plame but indicted Scooter Libby instead. Being a political hack must indeed be sexy — as long as the proper people are the ones being hacked.

Here’s Debbie Schlussel’s take on Oprah’s list. Debbie says that “if these men are sexy, sex is dead.” Well, I can’t really comment on that, so I’ll open the floor to the ladies.

There are a couple others on Oprah’s list, but how much sexy can we handle in one column?

Coming up in next month’s special “psychobabble swimsuit issue”: Celebrity jammy parties, two Maya Angelou poems about how being poor sucks, and an essay about why people who abduct kids are, like, total jerks

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Readers Need Your Advice: How to Deal With A Gay Friend, Meet Babs

Usually, I don’t have as much time as I’d like to respond to reader emails on the blog, but there were two I recently got that I thought maybe some of you could help with.

First off, Melanie is a regular reader. Melanie is conservative, but has a gay male friend who doesn’t seem to think they can remain friends because she is against gay marriage. Here’s Melanie’s letter:

I recently had an email exchange with a friend of mine who is gay… it started out as a discussion about Rick Santorum. When I mentioend I liked him, he got very angry, as he had a couple years ago when I mentioned I was against gay marriage. It seems I’ve hurt his feelings very much and I can’t make him understand why he’s still one of my best friends and I oppose gay marriage.

I resent him calling me “homophobic” because I’m clearly not. I don’t know how to justify why I feel the way I do without isolating him or referencing the Bible which is not even a factor in my belief.  I think its stupid he can’t respect my opinion because I can respect his. I think its immature of him to think I’m homophobic. How do I explain my belief and address this “homophobia” crap in an intelligent way, from a non-religious standpoint without losing my friend?

Melanie,

First off, tell him that it’s nothing personal and that there are many heterosexual couples you’ve seen that shouldn’t be allowed to marry as well. I’m sure, though, that somebody out there has some good advice as to how to deal with this.

Also, who’s the one “reaching out” here? You are. Conservatives are stereotyped as closed-minded, buttoned-down, stuffy bastards who only like people who are just like they are. This, as evidenced by your friend’s behavior toward your opinion, is far from the truth.

This topic leads us, either by design or accident, to Brian, who has a question about how to meet Barbra Streisand:

I read your article about Barbra Streisand, and although I agree with some of your comments, she is a wonderful talent that we should enjoy. I agree that it’s not fair to say this is your farewell tour and then tour again, but with everything, people have choices and hers is to tour again and it’s her right to do it.

As to the money.  If she gives $10 to charity and the rest goes into her pocket, so be it.  Why do people think that she has to give away the money.  The only reason she should tell what she’s doing with her money is if she has stated publicly that she was going to donate certain amounts to specific charities.

I have two $750 tickets to her show in Chicago and to me, it’s my dream come true.  As a matter of fact, I’ve written twice to her publicist to get permission to give her flowers at the show. 

Do you have any idea whatsoever how a person gets in touch with someone like Babs.  I adore her in spite of her somewhat abrasive personality.  Could you give me some pointers in how to get a note to her or to her PR people. I do so want to give her flowers at the concert.  Do you have any connections at all.

Brian,

Anybody who would pay $1,500 to see Barbra would no doubt pay, say, $100 for some good advice, eh?

In all seriousness though, do you have a good Bill Clinton mask? Should be easy to find one with Halloween so close. Put one on at the concert and you’ll find yourself backstage faster than Rex Reed after a command performance of “Rent.”

Secondly, why do people think she has to give away the money? The reasons are many. As for me, when I see someone supporting political candidates who think our money should be taken from us to support the charitable and bureaucratic whims of their pals, I don’t think it’s nearly as unconstitutional to simply ask somebody to give theirs away — you know, “for the children.” Also, Barbra often speaks of the evils of “greed.” Given her confiscatory business acumen, this is so comical that her tours should be sponsored by the Marvel people.

Maybe Melanie could get back in the good graces of her gay friend by putting him in touch with Brian. Ya think?

At any rate, I hope there’s somebody out there with some practical advice for these two people in need of help.

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Michael Moore's Mahmoud Ring & The Twilight Zone

When Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was in New York City to speak to the United Nations, he was surrounded by all sorts of hangers-on, except one. Ahmadinejad wanted Michael Moore to have breakfast with him. Calls were made, but unsuccessfully. Perhaps Mahmoud wants Moore to direct a sequel to “Fahrenheit 911” – in the literal sense, once Israel cools to 911 degrees Fahrenheit, a month after he nukes it.

Here’s a rather lengthy in-depth essay on Ahmadinejad’s visit to New York.

Something occurred to me this morning. I was thinking about all the buzz surrounding Ahmadinejad’s visit (as well as that of Hugo Chavez) and all the friends he has in the United States. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a man who thinks Israel should be wiped from the map, denies the holocaust ever happened and wants the “Islamic revolution” to overtake the entire world.

Why do so many Americans cling to this guy? I think it’s as simple as this: Many people think that if they simply suck up to despots, that said despot will leave them alone, and, ultimately, want to help us because we’re so nice and benign. A good example of who possesses this powder-puff philosophy would be Jimmy Carter.

You’ve entered… The Twilight Zone

There’s an episode of The Twilight Zone featuring extraterrestrials who come to Earth and want people to go back to their planet with them. Earthlings see a book written in a strange language, which is later deciphered to reveal the title “To serve man.” Earthlings simply figure that it’s the aim of the aliens to exist to be at their beck and call, and line up to get on their spaceship for a ride to the aliens’ home planet.

After they’re all aboard and the ship is departing, we realize that “To serve man” is a cookbook.

A similar fate awaits us if we all fall for the dressed-up dumbed-down rhetoric of dictators, despots and tinpot wingnuts.

Michael Moore’s Mahmoud Ring & The Twilight Zone

When Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was in New York City to speak to the United Nations, he was surrounded by all sorts of hangers-on, except one. Ahmadinejad wanted Michael Moore to have breakfast with him. Calls were made, but unsuccessfully. Perhaps Mahmoud wants Moore to direct a sequel to “Fahrenheit 911” – in the literal sense, once Israel cools to 911 degrees Fahrenheit, a month after he nukes it.

Here’s a rather lengthy in-depth essay on Ahmadinejad’s visit to New York.

Something occurred to me this morning. I was thinking about all the buzz surrounding Ahmadinejad’s visit (as well as that of Hugo Chavez) and all the friends he has in the United States. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a man who thinks Israel should be wiped from the map, denies the holocaust ever happened and wants the “Islamic revolution” to overtake the entire world.

Why do so many Americans cling to this guy? I think it’s as simple as this: Many people think that if they simply suck up to despots, that said despot will leave them alone, and, ultimately, want to help us because we’re so nice and benign. A good example of who possesses this powder-puff philosophy would be Jimmy Carter.

You’ve entered… The Twilight Zone

There’s an episode of The Twilight Zone featuring extraterrestrials who come to Earth and want people to go back to their planet with them. Earthlings see a book written in a strange language, which is later deciphered to reveal the title “To serve man.” Earthlings simply figure that it’s the aim of the aliens to exist to be at their beck and call, and line up to get on their spaceship for a ride to the aliens’ home planet.

After they’re all aboard and the ship is departing, we realize that “To serve man” is a cookbook.

A similar fate awaits us if we all fall for the dressed-up dumbed-down rhetoric of dictators, despots and tinpot wingnuts.

Timing is Everything: 7-Eleven Drops Citgo

Reacting apolitically at the right moment to capitalize on a political situation can be brilliant business acumen if properly timed.

Some conservative groups are applauding a recent announcement by the 7-Eleven corporation saying that the company would be dropping the Venezuelan-owned Citgo as their gas supplier. Chavez was at the United Nations in New York recently and called President Bush “the devil,” a “sick man,” and an alcoholic.

7-Eleven says the move wasn’t political and has been in the works for months, as the company is going to be offering their own brand of gasoline. Then they said it was partly political. All bases are indeed covered.

From the A.P.:

7-Eleven officials said Wednesday that the decision was partly motivated by politics.

Citgo Petroleum Corp. is a Houston-based subsidiary of Venezuela’s state-run oil company and 7-Eleven is worried that anti-American comments made by Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez might prompt motorists to fill-up elsewhere.

Oh, so it is a political move. Oh wait, then there’s this from Reuters:

A week after Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez called George W. Bush “the devil,” convenience store chain 7-Eleven Inc. said on Wednesday it will stop selling gasoline from Venezuelan-controlled Citgo Petroleum, but both companies denied the actions were linked.

The Dallas, Texas-based company said in a statement it disapproved of Chavez’ comments, but a spokeswoman insisted politics were not part of the decision to end its 20-year agreement with Houston-based Citgo Petroleum Corp., a position supported by Venezuelan and Citgo officials

So, it’s not a political move?

The real answer is most likely “both.” It’s actually pretty smart business politics.

7-Eleven has been planning the switch for months, but timing the announcement to co-incide with Hugo Chavez’s swing through New York to bash Bush while leftist Americans clung to him like communist lampreys on a Marxist shark couldn’t have been an accident.

Now, people are patting 7-Eleven on the back and encouraging others to patronize the company while singing “oh thank heaven for 7-Eleven” all the way to the gas pump, and may even buy a giant Slim-Jim for further support. There’s little downside for 7-Eleven in the timing of their announcement. Chavez knows it had been in the works for quite a while, and, to American consumers, it looks as if 7-Eleven is putting the smackdown on a loon.

In all reality, who will boycott 7-Eleven as a result of them dropping Citgo? Will Harry Belafonte and Danny Glover take their Slurpee business elsewhere? I’m sure 7-Eleven will survive any low-impact pro-Chavez backlash.

For 7-Eleven, it’s all upside.

Unavailable for comment:

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Dhue Diligence on Maxim's "Top 10 Sexiest News Anchors"

Maxim has a “top 10 sexiest news anchors” list. Good call in putting Stephen Colbert at #2. Nice rack, firm buttocks, pouty lips, but still, there are a couple that probably should have made the list that didn’t.

Where’s Laurie Dhue, for God’s sake? No Erica Hill? Come on!

I’m married, so I don’t care about any of this. I’m only bringing up this injustice because I care deeply about fighting for the wants and needs of the working man.

Dhue Diligence on Maxim’s “Top 10 Sexiest News Anchors”

Maxim has a “top 10 sexiest news anchors” list. Good call in putting Stephen Colbert at #2. Nice rack, firm buttocks, pouty lips, but still, there are a couple that probably should have made the list that didn’t.

Where’s Laurie Dhue, for God’s sake? No Erica Hill? Come on!

I’m married, so I don’t care about any of this. I’m only bringing up this injustice because I care deeply about fighting for the wants and needs of the working man.