If this is true, this will be a dark day for people who write about the comic exploits of politicians:
FriendsÃ‚Â of Hillary Clinton have been whispering the unthinkable. Despite her status as the runaway frontrunner for the 2008 Democratic nomination for president, some of her closest advisers say she might opt out of the White House race and seek to lead her party in the Senate.
If Hillary Clinton decides not to run, there will be only one reason: She’s certain she can’t win. When she hits that realization, for the Republicans, it’s time to start making her look as good as possible so she reconsiders. It’s time for every Republican to start wearing one of these:
In one aspect, Hillary is your average Democrat. She claims to represent the “common people,” the downtrodden and the losers in the lottery of life. Many politicians hang 10 on that “serf” board, until waves ofÃ‚Â reality crash upon them and they wipeÃ‚Â out. In the case of Hillary and her licentious, zipper-eroded husband, if they wanted to represent the downtrodden, poor and penniless bottom-enders, why the need to move out of Arkansas?
If you’reÃ‚Â a RepublicanÃ‚Â who cringes at the hideous “nails on chalkboard” shrieky condescension of Queen Carpetbagger, suck it up and sing her praises. Hillary must be the nominee to ensure aÃ‚Â GOP victory in November of 2008.
Let’s stop bellyaching about ancient history, like the fact that she made an illegal fortune insider trading cattle futures. Just view it as a case of, as they say, “bovine intervention.” Forget that she and Vince Foster carried the attorney-client privilege to the point of backseat tickle-fights and clasp fumbling, and he was later found dead while Hillary and her accomplices rifled his office so severely that investigators falsely assumed that Guns N’ Roses had spent the night there. Whitewater? Hey, shafting people in land deals is the American way, buddy, and so is stealing silverware.
Hillary has a number of other positives. Some Clinton insiders say she regularly beat her husband, who wasÃ‚Â partially shielded from any direct blows by the monkeys on his back. Hillary also played a pivotal role in making her brother Hugh, the perpetually scheming gravy boat with a law degree, pay back $400,000 in fees for presidential pardon work. Hugh later apologized to her… for getting caught.
Hillary, having anticipated a run for some time,Ã‚Â is already well into the process of “softening her image.” Being charged with that projectÃ‚Â must be like being handed a hunk of granite and instructed to “make this into a cute throw pillow.”
Hillary continues to try to fool moderate to right voters by telling them to believe her instead of their eyes, ears and Senate voting record.
But it’s usually at about this point in the journey that leftists trying to disguise themselves as anything but leftists turn into politics’ answer to the Donner Party crossing, something that has plagued Democrats since they lost congressional control.
Democrats are obviously suffering from, and being treated for, extreme anxiety. I don’t even want to think about how much Paxil you’d have to swallow to make you have faith that Howard Dean was the right man to reel in red-staters.
While Hillary fakes right, Bill Clinton is out there pulling left. Dudley Do-Wrong, the world famous intern Mountie, is actively speaking out, notifying anyone who will listen, and even some who won’t, not to panic Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Hillary’s still a leftist.
Trying to fake out the right-of-center is angering the left-of-center, and neither side is buying. Hillary simply isn’t as convincing a phony as her husband, and she may be starting to realize it. Hopefully not though.
With a little help from her enemies, Hillary will be the Democrats’ candidate. Come on, Hillary, you can’t stop now. You’ve come to far, smashed too many hard drives, rifled too many FBI filesÃ‚Â and changed residency in too many states to let go of your dream.
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