Monthly Archives: October 2006

John's Explanation Doesn't Kerry Any Water

John Kerry told college students that if they didn’t do well in school, they’d get “stuck in Iraq.”

Here’s a video.

Republicans were obviously angered, as should have been any American not to mention all members of the military, but of course, Kerry says that’s not what he meant. For intellectually superior elitist Democrats, they sure do “accidentally” say a lot of dumb things, don’t they?

Kerry later said it was a “botched joke” meant to target the president, not the troops.

So… what? If college kids don’t do well in school, then… Bush will be stuck in Iraq? Huh?

Of course, John Kerry can spout whatever he wants no matter how inane, because, as he always reminds us, he “wore the uniform.”

Hey Senator, it’s a uniform, not a brain — just because you wore one doesn’t mean you’re immune from being an idiot. Ask Murtha.

If you hike the ball like that enough, eventually your head gets stuck up your ass

John’s Explanation Doesn’t Kerry Any Water

John Kerry told college students that if they didn’t do well in school, they’d get “stuck in Iraq.”

Here’s a video.

Republicans were obviously angered, as should have been any American not to mention all members of the military, but of course, Kerry says that’s not what he meant. For intellectually superior elitist Democrats, they sure do “accidentally” say a lot of dumb things, don’t they?

Kerry later said it was a “botched joke” meant to target the president, not the troops.

So… what? If college kids don’t do well in school, then… Bush will be stuck in Iraq? Huh?

Of course, John Kerry can spout whatever he wants no matter how inane, because, as he always reminds us, he “wore the uniform.”

Hey Senator, it’s a uniform, not a brain — just because you wore one doesn’t mean you’re immune from being an idiot. Ask Murtha.

If you hike the ball like that enough, eventually your head gets stuck up your ass

6 Simple Things Barbra Streisand Can Do To Help Stop Global Warming

At Barbra Streisand’s website, the singer/actress/activist has an entry entitled “Simple things we can all do to help stop global warming.”

What comprises the list? About half the items consists of stuff our mothers have been yelling at us about for time immemorial. It turns out our parents were environmental activists all along.

The “pointers” include: Changing old, incandescent lights to newer energy-saving models and dim lights when in use; updating your heating/cooling system to a more efficient model; make sure that your refrigerator door seals properly; wait until you have a full load before running your dishwasher; invest in green stocks and renewable energy companies through socially responsible funds; eat locally grown food and fruits and vegetables that are in season (if the food doesn’t have to travel far, there’s less carbon dioxide from the trucks that ship it); and a few more.

Since there’s nothing worse than being preached to about energy output by a person who lives in a house like this…

…I’d like to present a little list I call “6 Simple things Barbra Streisand can do to help stop global warming”:

1) Quit touring. On an average touring night, some 14,000 people attend a Streisand concert. Assuming people arrive two to a vehicle, that’s 7,000 cars driving an average of, say, 40 miles at even a generous average of 20 miles per gallon. This amounts to 14,000 gallons of gas per night spewed into the atmosphere just to hear Babs sing “Evergreen” — ironic, isn’t it? That’s 560,000 gallons of environmental hellfire fumes spit onto the ozone for an entire 40-date tour. Throw in Streisand’s private plane and Al Gore must be having night sweats.

2) Sell that enormous house, or better yet, tear it down and rid the world of the gluttonous $22,000 a year water bill. That’s enough water to bathe 1,500 radical activists for an entire year—theoretically.

3) Stop spewing verbal bilge into the air. Does telling hecklers to “shut the f*%& up” promote an environment of open dialog and respect for those who may disagree? Politely convincing detractors is the only way to effectively save the planet from global warming. Name-calling might just cost us our lives.

4) For God’s sake, get SpellCheck. Streisand once wrote a letter to Dick “Gebhart,” and not long ago posted to her website a note that had so many misspellings that it looked as if she typed it with her nose because her hands were busy counting money. How would Streisand getting SpellCheck help stop global warming? Every time Babs picks on the stupidity of President Bush via a misspelled letter, the Internet fires up and starts buzzing. That’s lots of bandwidth and ISP space used which translates to who-knows-how-many-thousands kilowatt-hours of energy.

5) Stop suing environmentalists for your own selfish reasons. Three years ago, Streisand was wiggy about a photograph of her home taken by “The California Coastline Project” whose goal was to photograph the entire California coastline so we can someday remember what it looked like before Barbra heeded item #2 and/or California slid into the ocean. It’s clear by this picture why she might not want it made public, given her constant preaching on saving energy. How can activists combat global warming with this kind of counterproductive in-fighting? This is like Alec Baldwin suing the manufacturers of Thorazine.

6) Quit making movies. How much fuel does the movie-going public burn each year to get to the theater? Well, let’s see… about 1.5 billion people per year go to the movies. That’s… I don’t even want to do the math on that one. Suffice to say, if the polar ice caps melt, it’ll be more the fault of the addictive celluloid peddled by Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Steven Spielberg, Rob Reiner, and Martin Sheen than the leaf blower of Joe Sixpack and Mrs. Sixpack’s aerosol hairspray.

I hope these little tips can help Barbra to help us save the planet from global warming.

Barbra Streisand, onstage above, desperately searches for the dimmer switch

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Special note: Today is the “Glennate” elections. What is the “Glennate”? As Glenn Beck’s website explains, “the Glennate is a group of listeners/viewers that will serve as a Senate for the show(s) (both tv and radio) and consists of two parties, the Enlightenment Party and the Entertainment Party.”

Of the dozens of candidates, I only know one personally, and I highly recommend her. Resa Kirkland is a columnist and military historian billed as the “hippie kickin’ femmie slappin’ warchick.” If you’re from California, Washington, Oregon, Alaska or Hawaii (or would like to be an honorary citizen for a day) click here to cast your vote for Resa — then just pick the state and go from there. She’s in “region 9” in running in the “Enlightenment Party.” Start working on your acceptance speech, Resa!

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Hard Drives For Food: United Nations Discusses Internet Takeover

Get ready for every domain name to be some variation of “BumblingFools-dot-com.”

From the BBC:

The future of the net is the ambitious topic under discussion at the first global Internet Governance Forum, being held in Athens over the next five days.

It has been set up by the UN to give governments, companies, organisations and individuals space for debate.

You’ll never guess what the stated goal is of the coming “hard drive for food” program… or maybe you will:

The four key agendas for the conference are security, diversity, openness and access.

It doesn’t matter if the United Nations is discussing Iraq, Israel, Darfur or the Internet, their agenda always ends up sounding like some variation of Berkeley, California city council regulations for constructing a WalMart.

Why is regulation taking so long?

Why has this big source of potential revenue for the United Nations been just sitting there untapped? The United Nations is a couple of decades behind the technological curve. It isn’t that they don’t want to catch up, it’s that they can’t. The U.N. is not unlike a larger version of the U.S. government — they’re trying to win a potato sack race with tens of  thousands of people in the same bag. The attractive feature of monstrous bureaucracy has always been that it corners like an aircraft carrier in dry-dock, making it fairly easy for the fleet-afoot masses to out maneuver.

World governments have been caught off guard by the power of the Internet and have spent the last few years staring at it in confused amazement like cockatoos with a new mirror. As their understanding is slowly developing, governments led by the U.N. are in the process of inventing “cyber hands” to grab a chunk of this cyber power, not to mention real cash.

This is really about two things: Money, of course, and the monitoring of a new breed of reporter — mouse-wielding muckraker who can threaten the very existence of the United Nations and varied governments: The blogger.

Some bloggers, like revolutionary era pamphleteers gone high-tech, are the 21st century’s answer to Thomas Paine — A Paine-in-the-rump to many world governments along with a U.N., but quite welcome when they’re helping raise money or promote the globalist agenda. Because of this, regulation will proceed slowly and carefully. Those charged with implementing a U.N. cyber-hijacking will have to see to it that it acts as the Grecian Formula of cyberspace: “The change was so gradual, nobody noticed.”

Hard drives for food

Yes, a U.N. attempted takeover of the Internet could be on the way. “From the people who brought you ‘Oil-for-food’!”

You remember the oil-for-food scam don’t you?

The United Nations’ “Oil-for-Food” program, which began in 1996, permitted Saddam Hussein to sell oil, provided that the revenue went for food, medicine and other necessities. It was a deal between the world’s largest, doofiest bureaucracy and one of the planet’s most crooked and ruthless dictators. What could possibly go wrong?

Of course, it turned out that Hussein was skimming money off the top, and bottom for that matter. Skimming? More like building a dam. The General Accounting Office estimated that Hussein’s regime netted over $10 billion. The psychotic-yet-most-entrepreneurial mustachioed one who had a destiny with a spider hole was, with a lot of help, inflating prices on humanitarian imports, which allowed him to sell that much more oil and keep the extra for himself and whoever else was involved (::cough:: UN ::cough::). High markups, high profits and skimming — Iraq had become a 172,000 square mile jewelry store run by Jimmy Hoffa. Kofi Annan’s son was receiving money from a company monitoring this winner of a program.

Now that the cash flow from that little gem has dried up, it’s on to the Internet.

The next great rallying cry of the patriot may be, “They can have my mouse when they pry it from my cold, dead hand.”

The good news for the time being is that, as with the case with any laws, they must be backed up by force. The United Nations force as of this moment consists of 200 Frenchmen in blue helmets riding in three unarmed tanks, Jimmy Carter with a hammer, and Ted Turner recklessly swinging a bag of money at imaginary flies. And I say that with the utmost security, diversity, openness and access.

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Today's Column: Marty McFly Meets the Donner Party

In today’s column at WorldNetDaily, I wrote a little about the Michael J. Fox/Rush Limbaugh flap, but tried to refocus the debate on the relevant question of, “is embryonic stem cell research a good idea?”

Give a read to “Marty McFly Meets the Donner Party“ for the whole sordid tale.

Side note:

Somebody posted a blog entry I wrote entitled “Al Gore in Spaaaace!” over at Free Republic, and some of the responses are hilarious. Check out that thread here.

Today’s Column: Marty McFly Meets the Donner Party

In today’s column at WorldNetDaily, I wrote a little about the Michael J. Fox/Rush Limbaugh flap, but tried to refocus the debate on the relevant question of, “is embryonic stem cell research a good idea?”

Give a read to “Marty McFly Meets the Donner Party“ for the whole sordid tale.

Side note:

Somebody posted a blog entry I wrote entitled “Al Gore in Spaaaace!” over at Free Republic, and some of the responses are hilarious. Check out that thread here.

Al Gore in Spaaaaace!

It became apparent a few years ago that Al Gore was freaking out to the point of needing to be in the care of Nurse Ratchet, but now Al’s talking about making some exit holes in the ozone layer, and we all could be someday launched into Gorebit.

Gore says we’re in a “full scale planetary emergency” — the degree of which will no doubt be decided based on how many Democrats win a week from Tuesday. This crisis has reached the point where Gore thinks we need to begin exploring the space option, with colonization as a possible next step.

That’s right: Who wants to move to the moon with Al Gore? Anyone…? Anyone…? Tipper…?

Can you imagine a planetary exodus, or even some sort of orbital resource program, put into play by Al Gore types?

Consider colonization. Not only would we have to find a suitable planet or moon, but first we’d have to shell out another several billion dollars for the inevitable “environmental impact study.” Many speak of colonizing Mars, but heck, our orbiters have already detected a thinning ozone layer. The fact that it’s thinning would suggest that either there are natural reasons for the ozone depletion, or this is an unmistakable sign of extraterrestrial life using aerosol hairspray and driving SUVs.

With the ozone troubles on Mars, any visiting astronauts should be prepared to scrap their SUV-like surface transportation systems, and get around the planet by bicycle, lest they face scorching, finger-pointing diatribes from Gore.

What if Al Gore’s right? What if we are someday forced to leave behind what Carl Sagan called our pale blue dot?

The fact is, we might be horribly disappointed. I’m all for space exploration. However, our natural instinct of escaping to security may never be satisfied by the colonization of other planets. Al Gore insists that we’re abusing our planet, and Earth will someday run out of room and resources. Maybe we’ll go to Mars, searching for respite from the misery of earth’s overpopulation, illness and disastrous environmental conditions.

After arriving on the Red Planet seeking solace, we’ll sit in a crowded Starbucks, elbow to elbow with a thicket of people — among them Al Gore, who will be voicing concern about Mars’ depleting ozone layer, debating over whether or not to allow oil drilling in the Valles Marineris canyons, and aiming a hacking cough directly into our mocha lattes.

Back to the drawing board, eh?

Gore also criticized Bush’s space policy which stresses U.S. freedom of action:

“If one nation takes it upon itself to assert its own unilateral definition of what world law should be — without respect to what the rest of the world thinks about it—that’s usually a mistake,” Gore told Summit attendees. “Policy matters. Law matters. International law matters.”

Of course, it’s only logical to allow nations with little or no technological ability whatsoever to have input on the space aspirations of the United States.

Is Gore right? If you think about it, alone, the United States could probably design, launch and land Americans on Mars in order to set up a colony. But, if we had equal input from, say, Kenya and Bangladesh, we could accomplish the same thing in twice the time and at triple the cost.

Join Al Gore in space if you like, but I’ll wait it out here. Bureaucracy and space exploration go together like bureaucracy and… anything else.

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com