Gilligan’s Laboratory: The Incompetence and Corruption of Los Alamos

Police in New Mexico who were conducting a drug raid at a mobile home discovered more than just drugs — they also found classified information taken from the Los Alamos National Laboratory. Hey, how did those get out of Sandy Burger’s pants?

Here’s a bit more explanation:

Police alerted the FBI to the secret documents, which agents traced back to a woman linked to the drug dealer, officials said. The woman is a contract employee at Los Alamos National Laboratory, according to an FBI official who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the case.

The official would not describe the documents except to say that they appeared to contain classified material and were stored on a computer file.

This certainly isn’t the first time there have been problems at the lab. There’s a good reason their nickname is Lost Alamos.

Here’s a good description of what the Los Alamos lab does — or tries to do:

Los Alamos National Laboratory (LANL) is a facility managed and funded by the United States Department of Energy and operated by the University of California. LANL is responsible for the research, design, development and safe stewardship for approximately 85% of the U.S. nuclear arsenal. LANL is located within the State and District of New Mexico.

Safe stewardship? The people who write these things really need to learn that you need to insert a break after a laugh-line.

The place used to be called the Los Alamos Nuclear Laboratory until one incompetent blunder after another was causing people to be a bit nervous, so they must have figured that removing “nuclear” and replacing it with “national” was easier than fixing the reasons their security was easier to crack than a Ming vase on the San Andreas Fault.

Part of the problem these days is that treason and espionage don’t seem to be too big a deal. Heck, Lynne Stewart, leftist lawyer and a willing participant in an Islamic terror plot against the U.S., just recently was sentenced to a couple of years in jail. Enron’s Jeffrey Skilling, on the other hand, is going away for 24 years. The lesson is clear: if we really want to thwart terrorism, we first need to get terrorists CEO gigs at large corporations – and then hope they suck at accounting.

It’s kind of scary if you think about it. A U.S. nuclear laboratory is operated by the University of California. I repeat: A college in California operates a U.S. nuclear laboratory. I wouldn’t trust the average U.S. university with my car for the day, let alone nuke secrets. You just know that somewhere there’s a kid with a beer bong he fashioned out of the manual cover for the Manhattan Project.

By the way, this Friday is “High tech Halloween night” at Los Alamos. Come dressed as your favorite perpetrator of espionage or incompetent security. I’ve got a great Wen Ho Lee mask if anybody wants it.

Los Alamos security learns of the discovery of stolen classified information via the radio


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Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: