Nancy Pelosi Stars in “Misery II: We’ll Release You After The Cocka-Doody Election!”

In the movie Misery, author Paul Sheldon, played by James Caan, was found by a psychotic fan, played by Kathy Bates, after his car skidded off the road during a blizzard. Bates’ character took the author back to her house and nursed him back to health while holding him hostage, crippling him more and more with each escape attempt.

Now that the woman who would be Speaker of the House if Democrats regain control has entered around day ten of her disappearance, everybody’s wondering, “where’s Nancy?”

The answer is simple, the DNC, fearing their car is skidding off the road, may be starting to learn their lesson. With the exception of John Kerry’s ongoing demonstration of a botched joke/lobotomy, there haven’t been this many high-profile Democrats hush-hushing each other since RFK, JFK, and Marilyn Monroe thought they heard Jackie pull into the driveway.

Where’s Nancy? We could be witnessing the making of “Misery II,” except in the sequel, the would-be driver of the car is being held by her “number one fans” so she’s unable to get behind the wheel and drive it over an embankment in the first place.

Pelosi may well be Speaker of the House if Democrats win in droves on Tuesday, so, in a sense, her fellow Democrats are her “number one fans,” but at the same time, they’re keeping her safe somewhere, nursing her back to health — probably after an intensive bracing facelift in preparation for the big swearing in. As soon as the scaffolding is removed from the cheekbone and eyebrow areas, and the election safely in the past, their creation will be ready for her close-up, Mr. DeMille.

Drudge reports that the last photo of Pelosi on the wires is from an October 21st fundraiser, where she’s pictured **shaking hands with Alan Alda (**literally – not a euphemism for masturbation this time). Shortly after the photo was taken, Pelosi disappeared.

I certainly don’t think Pelosi’s exile is self-imposed for one simple reason: It’s way too good an idea to have come from Pelosi.

If the Democrats stage big wins on Tuesday, expect to see Pelosi immediately out once again in full force. If Democrats lose, expect the same thing — only days later, accompanied by strap-induced welts and a noticeable limp.

Yes, we’re fellow Democrats, and we’re your number one fans, but we don’t want you to open your cocka-doody mouth and ruin the cocka-doody election!


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Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: