Monday's Column: World Peace — Was It Good For You?

It’s Monday, which means it’s time again for a column at WorldNetDaily. Today’s dive into the world of current events takes a look at a proposed “Global Orgasm for Peace” that is scheduled to take place on December 22nd.

Who will take part? Anybody who’s interested in ending violence the fun way. Who won’t take part? Ah, there’s the rub, if you’ll pardon the expression. Give a read to “World peace: Was it good for you?” for more.

Monday’s Column: World Peace — Was It Good For You?

It’s Monday, which means it’s time again for a column at WorldNetDaily. Today’s dive into the world of current events takes a look at a proposed “Global Orgasm for Peace” that is scheduled to take place on December 22nd.

Who will take part? Anybody who’s interested in ending violence the fun way. Who won’t take part? Ah, there’s the rub, if you’ll pardon the expression. Give a read to “World peace: Was it good for you?” for more.

From the "Slow News Day" Department: Rush Limbaugh Did Not Sleep With Mary Lynn Rajskub

Stop the presses! Page Six has some big news. Months of rumors that have kept fans of talk radio and “24” on edge have now been put to rest:

Mary Lynn Rajskub of “24” wants to set the record straight – Rush Limbaugh has not bedded her, nor will he ever.

“Last summer, I was on a panel about terrorism that [he] was moderating,” the blonde tells FHM. “He said hello to everyone and kissed me full on the lips. I was like, ‘Oh, that was odd.’ Then the picture was on the Internet and people thought I was going out with him. He’s brilliant and hilarious, but I wouldn’t say I wanted to get it on with him!”

What’s the most disturbing part of all this? You guessed it: The actors from the show “24” were part of a panel discussion about terrorism – a meeting whose keynote speaker was Director of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff. Well, at least the next time we’re attacked, Chertoff will be properly instructed on how to portray the horror should he decide to make a made-for-television adaptation.

Even still, the actors’ ideas were more effective than anything Congressional Democrats can come up with.

Do you know how you can tell Rajskub isn’t a liberal? This happened and no sexual harrassment lawsuit was filed:

“Our show, ’24,’ tackles terrorism the same way our government sh…grrghhhmmphhhhrrgghh…”

———-

Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

From the “Slow News Day” Department: Rush Limbaugh Did Not Sleep With Mary Lynn Rajskub

Stop the presses! Page Six has some big news. Months of rumors that have kept fans of talk radio and “24” on edge have now been put to rest:

Mary Lynn Rajskub of “24” wants to set the record straight – Rush Limbaugh has not bedded her, nor will he ever.

“Last summer, I was on a panel about terrorism that [he] was moderating,” the blonde tells FHM. “He said hello to everyone and kissed me full on the lips. I was like, ‘Oh, that was odd.’ Then the picture was on the Internet and people thought I was going out with him. He’s brilliant and hilarious, but I wouldn’t say I wanted to get it on with him!”

What’s the most disturbing part of all this? You guessed it: The actors from the show “24” were part of a panel discussion about terrorism – a meeting whose keynote speaker was Director of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff. Well, at least the next time we’re attacked, Chertoff will be properly instructed on how to portray the horror should he decide to make a made-for-television adaptation.

Even still, the actors’ ideas were more effective than anything Congressional Democrats can come up with.

Do you know how you can tell Rajskub isn’t a liberal? This happened and no sexual harrassment lawsuit was filed:

“Our show, ’24,’ tackles terrorism the same way our government sh…grrghhhmmphhhhrrgghh…”

———-

Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Brokeback Zamboni

The NHL and the Toronto Maple Leafs have signed off on allowing movie producers to use the league and team logos in a film about a gay ex-hockey player.

From the Toronto Star:

Actor Tom Cavanaugh plays a gay ex-Leaf in a comedy film Breakfast With Scot currently being shot in the GTA and Hamilton. He’s one-half of a homosexual couple — his partner is the team lawyer — whose lives are turned upside down after becoming guardians of Scot, “a budding queen of an 11-year-old boy,” according to the storyline.

To my recollection, the NHL is the only major professional sport that has yet to see a player, current or ex, come out of the closet — or “make a pass at the blue line” to use hockey vernacular.

I couldn’t care less who’s gay, who’s not, or any of the minion of perversions that may or may not be prevalent in professional sports. What I do find interesting is who these leagues tend to coddle, and why.

In this case, why is a professional sports franchise, which are usually tight fisted concerning their licensing, allowing logo use in a movie that will no doubt introduce “puck on a rope” to the product line? If you wrote a script about a hockey player who was, say, a crusading Christian activist denouncing abortion, what are the odds use of the logo would be granted by the league? My guess is zero.

Move over, Slapshot, because a new hockey movie is on the way — one more representational of the 21st century. Somewhere the Hanson brothers are shaking their heads.

By the way, why the Maple Leafs? The producers would have made the player an ex-Penguin, but that’s already been done:

———-

Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Global Orgasm for Peace: Stroke of Genius for a Flagging Franchise

At long last, a peace movement that we can all get our hands around. I’d been wondering lately where the peace movement was headed. For years and years, there seemed to be no heir to the bed-in throne of John and Yoko — until now.

As you may have heard, a California couple have called for the population of the world (that has either a willing significant other, functioning hands or a modified electric toothbrush) to have simultaneous orgasms on December 22nd.

Here are the basics of the plan, the “spank plank” if you will, from GlobalOrgasm.org:

The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.

The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.

The organizers are Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55. You may remember Donna Sheehan (no relation to Cindy), because about three years ago she and some friends protested the looming war in Iraq by stripping naked, laying down, and spelling out the word “peace.” This, obviously, didn’t stop the war, but it did confirm one thing most definitively: Newton’s Law of Gravity.

So, recognizing the age of interaction, Sheehan and Reffell are calling for us to have orgasms at the same time – and this will help end war, at least temporarily. I have no doubt that this would do the trick, provided there’s across-the-board participation. My problem is this: Who won’t be participating while the rest of us are sitting in front of a box of Puffs Plus watching a grainy VHS copy of Two Moon Junction?

But this is the entire problem with the peace movement. Their ideas always require the participation of everyone or they don’t work. Hell, there are no doubt teenagers in the U.S. who would love to participate, but are so lazy that they’ve decided instead to wait for XBox to release “Global Orgasm for Peace: The Game.”

Consider Yoko Ono, wife of the late John Lennon and “singer” whose shriek happens to be the mating call of the Tinnitus Warbler, and her lifelong efforts for peace.

John Lennon released the pacifist anthems “Imagine” and “Give Peace A Chance,” John and Yoko had “bed ins” (for which bags were worn on heads — ours) and Ono’s staged a “cut piece,” and through it all we saw a continuation of hostilities in Vietnam, the tragedy at the Olympic games in Munich, the hostage crisis in Iran, embassy bombings, hijackings, continuous violence in the Middle East and constant terrorist attacks around the world. Why didn’t it work? The answer is simple: Terrorists, criminals, warmongers and despots clearly don’t listen to FM radio, read back issues of “Rolling Stone” and attend Paris theater nearly enough.

It’s the same problem with the Global Orgasm for Peace. It won’t be global, so the odds that we’ll be killed by maniacs go up, and worse yet, the chances that it’ll happen while we’re in the john with out pants around our ankles while clutching the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue doesn’t add to the dignity of the passing.

In addition, as columnist Greg Strange observed, such a massive, lascivious act might actually further infuriate those who already hate us. Greg’s right. What’s worse than a Western infidel? You guessed it. A Western infidel who’s spanking the monkey.

But the ultimate nail in the coffin for the “Global Orgasm for Peace” movement may not be lack of participation. Heck, there are no doubt pockets of people all around the globe who are, at this very moment, furiously practicing striving for peace, and even paying $50 for it. No, the death of the “Global Orgasm for Peace” will be more religious in nature.

What happens very often when people have orgasms? With the exception of Michael Newdow, who yells out his own name, many people call out to, who? You guessed it: God.

This could be the downfall of the “Global Orgasm for Peace.” Millions of people suddenly calling out to God is bound to put some leftist undies in a non-secular twist.

Peace activists should also take caution in automatically assigning a label of harmonic tranquility to the orgasm. All through history, rapes have been committed, genocide inflicted, and torture performed, just because the despotic protagonist du jour got off on it. Sheehan and Reffell’s definition of what constitutes orgasmic behaviour could vary greatly from somebody else’s. Po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe, to-may-toe, bloodbath.

That said, it’s good to see some fresh ideas and a more hands-on approach coming from the field of peace activism. There will still be wars and people trying to kill us, but for a couple of minutes, we won’t care. I pledge my full support. It’s time to give peace a chance.

———-

Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

The Downhill Slalom of Good Democracy

The “Economist Intelligence Unit Index of Democracy,” whatever that is, did a study to determine the best functioning democracies in the world. Here are the top 10:

1. Sweden
2. Iceland
3. Netherlands
4. Norway
5. Denmark
6. Finland
7. Luxembourg
8. Australia
9. Canada
10. Switzerland

Apparently the essence of a functional democracy is proximity to good skiing.

In addition — Far be it from me to start anything, but I suppose everybody’s too busy getting night sweats over what Michael Richards said about blacks to notice that this list of nirvanic Democracies are chock full of more white people than a John Tesh concert in Utah. “Reverend Jackson, white courtesy phone.”

But we’ll leave that to people whose job it is to worry about the irrelevant.

Here’s where the U.S. and Great Britain ranked:

The reports singled out the USA (17th) and Britain’s (23rd) poor results, partly to blame on measures adopted to fight terrorism.

“The United States and Britain are near the bottom of the full democracy category, but for somewhat different reasons. America falls down on some aspects of governance and civil liberties. Despite low election turnouts, political participation in the United States is comparatively high,” the report said.

True, if you’re a terrorist in the United States, your civil liberties are somewhat limited. I think that’s worth sacrificing being among the top 10 though.

God Hates The WBC: "Church" To Picket Funerals of Kids Killed in Alabama Bus Accident

You have to hand it to the Twizzler-headed nut cases at The Westboro Baptist Church — they sure do know how to stay in the news.

If you’re not familiar with this group of self-lobotomized whiffleballs, they are the wingnuts, apparent victims of in-breeding combined with fetal Mercury poisoning and subsequent blunt force trauma by lead bound Bibles at early ages, who regularly picket at the funerals of soldiers who have been killed. Why? Because the United States is tolerant of homosexual activity, and they believe the soldiers are fighting and dying for this right.

I’ve always thought this to be an extreme case of Shakespeare’s “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Any guys who make this big a deal out of homosexuality simply must trying to cover a short-circuiting conscience caused by the night they were elected to serve as ‘pivot man’ in a Greenwich Village circle-jerk. As for the WBC women, the screaming and picketing helps bury the fear over wondering why their aereolas get prickly whenever they see Rosie O’Donnell on The View.

But the WBC’s picketing doesn’t stop with soldiers funerals. Not long ago they said they’d be picketing at the funerals of the girls killed at the Amish school in Pennsylvania. They ended up calling it off, probably because a Siegfried and Roy retrospective was airing on television that night.

Now, the WBC has applied for, and received, a permit to picket outside the funeral for one of the four kids killed in a school bus accident in Alabama. Here’s the WBC’s press release (PDF).

It probably never occurs to these people that getting off on being hated is one of the most disgusting sexual perversions one can have. If God hates anybody, it’s the Westboro Baptist Church.

Want to see what’s inside the heads of these guys? Click here for the MRI results.

———-

Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

God Hates The WBC: “Church” To Picket Funerals of Kids Killed in Alabama Bus Accident

You have to hand it to the Twizzler-headed nut cases at The Westboro Baptist Church — they sure do know how to stay in the news.

If you’re not familiar with this group of self-lobotomized whiffleballs, they are the wingnuts, apparent victims of in-breeding combined with fetal Mercury poisoning and subsequent blunt force trauma by lead bound Bibles at early ages, who regularly picket at the funerals of soldiers who have been killed. Why? Because the United States is tolerant of homosexual activity, and they believe the soldiers are fighting and dying for this right.

I’ve always thought this to be an extreme case of Shakespeare’s “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Any guys who make this big a deal out of homosexuality simply must trying to cover a short-circuiting conscience caused by the night they were elected to serve as ‘pivot man’ in a Greenwich Village circle-jerk. As for the WBC women, the screaming and picketing helps bury the fear over wondering why their aereolas get prickly whenever they see Rosie O’Donnell on The View.

But the WBC’s picketing doesn’t stop with soldiers funerals. Not long ago they said they’d be picketing at the funerals of the girls killed at the Amish school in Pennsylvania. They ended up calling it off, probably because a Siegfried and Roy retrospective was airing on television that night.

Now, the WBC has applied for, and received, a permit to picket outside the funeral for one of the four kids killed in a school bus accident in Alabama. Here’s the WBC’s press release (PDF).

It probably never occurs to these people that getting off on being hated is one of the most disgusting sexual perversions one can have. If God hates anybody, it’s the Westboro Baptist Church.

Want to see what’s inside the heads of these guys? Click here for the MRI results.

———-

Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

"Welcome aboard US Airways — Today's flight is expected to be turb(ul)an(ce) free…"

A Muslim scholor named Omar Shahin is calling for a boycott of US Airways after he and five other Imams were taken off a flight operated by that company because they were praying before the flight.

Here’s the real “welcome to America” part. Shahin later asked, “To practice your faith and pray is a crime in America?”

If he thinks this is bad, he should try being a Christian practicing his faith in a public school or government office building. In many ways, the answer to his question is “doi!”

If the boycott catches on, the airline is expected to change their name from “US Airways” to “Whew! Airlines”.