Note to President Bush: Instruct all your future nominees, from the courts all the way to your cabinet, to say America isn’t winning. Confirmation guaranteed!

Case in point — Robert Gates, who will be the next Defense Secretary. Gates was asked by Senator Carl Levin if America was winning in Iraq. Gates said “no.” Levin nearly soiled his Mens Wearhouse slacks with orgasmic political glee. Here’s a short video of the exchange. (Note: Gates also said “we’re not losing, either,” but the Dems were willing to allow him one indiscretion since they already had their desired soundbite)

The committee then voted unanimously to send Gates’ nomination to the Senate floor for confirmation, and probably even offered to take him out for drinks.

Whether or not Gates is right doesn’t really matter in this case — it was the sight of Democrats nearly dry-humping a Bush nominee that was the story of the year, and it should serve as a lesson for future Bush nominees facing a Democrat controlled Senate.

Note to future nominees: Learn to face Senate Democrats and include one of more phrases like these in your responses, and you’re a shoo-in:

“America is not winning”

“The fault of big oil”

“…on the backs of the poor”

“For the children”

“To avoid future disenfranchisement”

“Lack of health care”

“Unfair distribution of resources”

“Unfair distribution of global power”

“Unfair distribution of methods of distribution”

“The unspeakable horror of Abu Ghraib and Gitmo”

“Wal-Mart’s low wages…”

“Exhorbitantly high CEO wages”

“The travesty of racial profiling”

“Corporate greed”

“Trans fats kill more people every year than ______”

“Behind in our U.N. dues”

“To ensure the continuation of a secular government”

“Lovely pantsuit, Mrs. Clinton”

Sens. Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer react after hearing Defense Secretary nominee Gates’ opinion that America is not winning.


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