Okay everybody, prepare yourselves.

When anti-war activists Paul Reffell and Donna Sheehan planned their latest peace-making project — the synchronized global orgasm — to fall on Dec. 22, they may not have realized that it’s the last Friday before Christmas. It’s a day many people take off, and so, have a little extra time on their hands. Sweet coinkydink or a holiday miracle, today’s your chance to improve the world — batteries not included.

Yes indeed, today is the day! I’d ask for a show of hands to find out how many are participating, but I fear the count would be most inaccurate.

Here’s what we’re supposed to do:

“The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high-energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.”

I sure hope the terrorists are participating, for they’re the ones who really need a different hobby, but maybe that’s here nor there.

The organizers of the Global Orgasm for Peace, Sheehan, 76, and Reffell, 55. have been planning this for quite some time. The story hit the news like gangbusters when it was first reported many weeks ago, and I checked around today and it would appear that many people have forgotten. Hey all, world peace isn’t just going to happen by a stroke of luck – we have to make it so!

You may remember Donna Sheehan (no relation to Cindy), because about three years ago she and some friends protested the looming war in Iraq by stripping naked, laying down, and spelling out the word “peace.” This, obviously, didn’t stop the war, but it did confirm one thing most definitively: Newton’s Law of Gravity.

Here’s my fear that could prevent this from becoming a yearly event — The ultimate nail in the coffin for the Global Orgasm for Peace movement may not be lack of participation. Heck, there are no doubt pockets of people all around the globe who have been feverishly practicing for this day on which they will strive for peace with reckless abandon.

In actuality, the death of the “Global Orgasm for Peace” could be more religious in nature.

What happens very often when people have orgasms? That’s right, they call out to God (with the possible exception of Michael Newdow, who yells out his own name).

This could be the downfall of the Global Orgasm for Peace. Millions of people suddenly calling out to God is bound to put some leftist undies in a non-secular twist. And I don’t even want to know how they’ll react when millions of people simultaneously light cigarettes. If this happens, subsequent Global Orgasms for Peace will have to be outdoors in towns with strict smoking laws, and things could get ugly.

Okay, now go and make the world a better place — at least for 30 to 90 seconds.

But if we wake up tomorrow and there are still wars, terrorist attacks and violent despots, we’ll… we’ll… have to keep trying. The 1960′s “politics of harmonic convergence” have never led us astray.

Update: Noon eastern time on Global Orgasm fo Peace day, and Hamas and Fatah militants are clashing in Gaza as we speak. This isn’t working! Come on, world peace won’t be realized unless we all pull together!


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