There are times when those who defend us need and deserve a better defense from us in return. It’s the least we can do. This is, once again, one of those times. The police, military and border patrol risk their lives every day, but often the biggest danger they face comes from idiocy within.

I was hoping this defense would come straight from the top, in public and in smackdown fashion, but that doesn’t yet appear to be the case.

Rarely a day goes by when something that defies logic, not to mention sanity, arises.

From WorldNetDaily:

Amid protests and a flurry of last-minute efforts by congressmen, two border patrol agents are scheduled today to begin long prison sentences for shooting and wounding a Mexican drug smuggler who was given immunity to testify against them.

In an interview with WND, an angry Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif., called President Bush a “disgrace” for refusing to pardon Jose Alonso Compean and Ignacio Ramos, who were sentenced to 12 years and 11 years, respectively, in October. With hopes for a presidential pardon dwindling, the lawmakers had requested that Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez assist in a motion to keep the agents free on bond during the appeals process. But late yesterday, U.S. District Judge Kathleen Cardone in El Paso, Texas, ruled the men must surrender to federal marshals at 2 p.m. Mountain Time today.

In the meantime, a petition calling for a presidential pardon for the border officers was delivered to the White House. The petition had over 225,000 signatures, but unless any of the names sound Saudi or happen to be “Vicente Fox,” don’t expect any action on the part of the president.

For these border agents who are facing over a decade in prison for stopping a criminal from entering America, I’d like to recommend what amounts to a good defense. This is what I suggest that soldiers, who are occasionally court-martialed for the grievous crime of harming an enemy combatant in a war, do in order to get more politicians on their side and calling for their release. Here are five ways to do that:

  1. Convert to Islam.
  2. “Leak” a secret to the New York Times.
  3. Compare George W. Bush to Hitler (take a number and patiently wait your turn).
  4. Convert to Islam again, just so the people who missed it the first time have a chance to see it.
  5. Call for eco-friendly hybrid patrol vehicles.

It’s painfully obvious that when the president speaks of “securing our borders,” he misunderestimated that and heard it as “securing border security.”

And to think that I was naive enough to assume that when, late last year, President Bush signed the bill authorizing 700 miles of new fence, it would be used to prevent illegal entry into the country, and not just erected around some border agents. Go figure.

Of course, the fence bill was “bipartisan,” which means that once construction is completed, ladders will be distributed to Mexicans (the more sporting types will be sent to “Bruce Jenner’s Caracas Pole-Vault Camp”) and the fence will be named after Senator Robert Byrd.

People often say that illegals will “do the work that Americans won’t.” Well, if we keep up with the aforementioned type of idiocy, one of those “jobs Americans won’t do” will be “border patrol agent” — and I don’t blame them at all.


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