I’ve been out most of the night aimlessly driving around in a Hummer to do my part to help save the ice-threatened citrus crops — what did I miss?

It looks like the U.S. Senate has stayed busy by passing ethics reform legislation. Don’t you wish we all had jobs where we could design the laws that govern our own organization? I’ll give Congress a break though, since they’re usually engaged in the selfless act of creating inane laws for the rest of us that they completely forget about themselves. Not this time.

I haven’t read the reform bill, as I never seem to find myself that bored, but rest assured it contains more loopholes than the wall between wood shop and the girls’ locker room at Enzyte High.

I don’t know about you, but I sleep much better at night knowing that Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton, Chris Dodd, et al, can no longer accept a free toaster when they open a new bank account with our money. That should straighten things out. The Senate passing “ethics reform” is a little like if Ike Turner would have proposed a bill to combat spousal abuse that included the single measure of strengthening Tina’s jaw.

That aside, the House of Representatives has been busy as well. Speaker Nancy Pelosi has created a Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming”:

“I am asking the committees that have jurisdiction over energy, environment and technology policy to report legislation on these issues by June.  We hope to have legislation on global warming and energy independence through the committees by July 4th, so that this year, Independence Day is also ‘Energy Independence Day.’”

Yes! “Energy Independence Day”! The day we as Americans celebrate our glorious victory over… power?

You would think that people so concerned with energy independence would be up north drilling Alaska with the fervor of Charlie Sheen at the Mustang Ranch, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Why not? Alaska’s Senators have raked in more “road to…” pork than Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, but none of those roads will lead to ANWR any time soon. Build more refineries? Sure, and maybe Courtney Love will open a finishing school.

When Democrats speak of “energy independence,” they’re not talking about independence from the Middle East — they’re talking about liberating “big oil” from their profits. The definition of “independence” is in the eye of the beholder.

But of course, “big oil” is contributing to global warming, which is why the two issues are tied together in Pelosi’s committee. The global warming theory has its core followers, many of whom are also proud owners of Colorado swampland, the Brooklyn Bridge, and other stuff from the back of Mr. Haney’s pickup truck, but many others require a little more convincing.

Remaining skeptics of Gore-style global warming may just be a little uncomfortable hitching the direction of the future of the human race to somebody who once spent eight years kick saving morality slapshots for his boss, while his wife, Tipper, stuck parental warning stickers everywhere except where they really belonged — on Bill Clinton’s pants. Maybe this is why Gore said nary a word about the looming threat of global warming when he was actually in a position to do something about it.

Perhaps Nancy Pelosi can find a more convincing – and less laughable – angle. She may well do just that, because Pelosi sees things the rest of us can’t. That ability is bound to grow in the coming years, as Nancy is just one facelift away from having eyes on the back of her head.


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