Since it’s official now that Hillary Clinton is running for president, I realize that most of my readers are torn, and you’re probably asking yourselves, ”Should I vote for Hillary?”

We often vote for the candidate we feel shares a common bond with us, morally, ethically and politically. To find out if you have something in common with Hillary Clinton, take the following quiz and choose the answer that would best represent your thoughts, opinions or motives toward the situation.

The “Should I vote for Hillary?” quiz:

1) You’re a Yale-educated woman, lawyer and first lady of the United States. Your husband is a notorious philanderer, and a story comes out in the media that he’s been cheating on you with a young intern. You say you didn’t believe the story until he told you it was true. You are:

A) Lying

B) Incredibly stupid

C) Well aware those 15 copies of “Leaves of Grass” that the Fed Ex guy brings every month aren’t really for you, but you put up with it to maintain the power


2) Hillary’s campaign slogan should be:

A) “It’s mourning in America”

B) “8 more years!”

C) Tie: “She’ll save the taxpayers money because she already has the furniture” and “If abortions are outlawed, only outlaws will be allowed to screw around with my husband.”


3) Your brother is a lawyer, and the fact that he’s obtained $400,000 in legal fees for his work on pardons while your spouse is president becomes public. Do you make him give the money back, and if so, why?

A) Yes. I’m shocked that a family member would do anything crooked.

B) No. It’s my responsibility that any of this happened, so I should be the one to pay it back.

C) Yes, only after we got caught and managed to negotiate the payback amount way down by claiming that my brother has already spent most of the money on cigars, pork rinds and green fees.


4) You discover your husband’s been treating the uvula of an intern like a pinata on Cinco de Mayo. After you learn about this, you describe how you felt by saying, “I could hardly breathe” and “gulping for air.” You are:

A) Enraged he had been so careless as to allow it to become public.

B) Shocked that he cheated on you.

C) Empathizing with what the young intern went through.


5) Before her re-election as Senator from New York in 2006, Hillary Clinton said she’d fulfill her entire 6-year term if re-elected, and now she’s running for president. What’s your opinion of this?

A) It’s typical of lying politicians.

B) Doesn’t matter, as nobody ever expected her to live up to the promise.

C) It depends on what your definition of “term” is.


6) Your book and J.K. Rowling’s latest book are both on sale, but a buyer can only afford one of them. What do you say when that buyer approaches you and asks you to differentiate the two?

A) “One is a fictional book about a wizard who’s surrounded by warlocks and monsters, and the other one is the next in the ‘Harry Potter’ series.”

B) “Mine is an important and frank discussion about issues of historical importance.”

C) “Secret service!”


7) You want your daughter to witness a strong, loving marriage, so you:

A) Refocus and make your family the most important thing in your life.

B) Go to marriage counseling to work things out.

C) Find somebody with a strong, loving marriage and see if she can hang out with them.


8) What’s your life philosophy?

A) “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

B) “Marrying the right person can be a great way to get what you want.”

C) “How a steely, lifeless, devoid of conscience stare can be just as good as a gun.”


9) Barbara Walters asks you which tree you and your husband have most closely associated yourselves with in the past. You answer:

A) Maple.

B) Blue Pine.

C) Charlie.


10) This quiz should end with:

A) Questions about the direction of the country.

B) A discussion about Whitewater.

C) A tax audit of the author.


Hill-o-meter rating:

If you voted ”C” on everything and “B” on #2, you’re not only going to vote for Hillary, but you may end up on her White House staff! If you answered “C” 3-9 times, you’re at “work on it” status. To get yourself to a higher rating on the “Hill-o-meter,” mix one part Betty Friedan with two parts Chomsky, sprinkle on some NPR, drink twice a day and take the quiz again in a month.

If you answered “A” to most, congratulations, you’ll not be voting for Hillary in 2008.


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