A girl is born the daughter of a rich and famous actor. The story, all too often, goes downhill from there. Jane Fonda’s story doesn’t really go downhill, but spins sideways, where it loses control, careens into a guardrail, flips, makes exercise videos and comes to rest for a time in Ted Turner’s bank account.

Jane Fonda spoke at an anti-war rally for the first time in 34 years yesterday, urging Americans to join her in the call to end the war in Viet…er, Iraq.

Fonda is perhaps the most controversial character ever produced by Hollywood – an activist whose prattle has been so taken to task that she makes Barbra Streisand, Alec Baldwin, Ed Asner, et al, pale in comparison.

She has been called everything from a hero, to a traitor, to a communist. Is or was Jane Fonda a communist? If she is, the definition of “communist” must be found in the same dictionary of life that has allowed her to get breast implants and a facelift and still, somehow, be defined as a “feminist.”

This isn’t a rare occurrence by any stretch, especially considering who were and are Fonda’s contemporaries. Prevailing Hollywood mindset leads celluloid-sniffing activists to believe they can also perform plastic surgery on their political views, being one way while appearing another – it’s radical leftism with the lines and wrinkles of personal lifestyle and greed surgically removed for the sake of outward appearances. Unfortunately for them, it’s also painfully obvious.

Much of Hollywood, Fonda included, falls into this category. They won’t admit it, but most of the Tinseltown anti-establishment, pro-socialist sect are, in fact, capitalist to the point where they make Carnegie, Mellon and Gates look like free-range Marxist hippies.

The story about yesterday’s DC protest says that Jane Fonda has “apologized” for going to Vietnam in the early ’70s to buddy up to the North Vietnamese, broadcast on their radio, and say American POW’s were being treated humanely – among other traitorous activities. Fonda has apologized in the past, such as in an interview with Barbara Walters in 1988, for the effects of her actions on U.S. troops — but then always goes on to explain that her cause was just. Anti-war activist apologies to U.S. troops often end up sounding insulting and illogical, like drunk drivers telling their victims they’re very sorry for the accident, but still dig drinking.

An example of one of Fonda’s “apologies” came in a “60 Minutes” interview last year with Leslie Stahl. Fonda offered a roundabout regret, but no apology. Fonda called the day she lounged around on a North Vietnamese Army anti-aircraft gun “the largest lapse in judgment that I can even imagine” – and this is from the woman who agreed to make “Barbarella,” so that’s saying something.

Fonda is just one in a long line of those who claim to ”support the troops, but not the war.” There hasn’t been a bigger pile of yellow excrement since the day after my dog ate two dozen Marshmallow Peeps. To some degree, however, this is an accurate statement. For example, during the Vietnam war, it’s clear that Fonda supported the troops. Not ours, but still…

Fonda was joined at yesterday’s “we love the troops and want them home” rally by a group called Code Pink, members of which are known for hanging around the Walter Reed Army Hospital, which houses many wounded soldiers, and waving signs such as “Maimed for Lies” and “Enlist here and die for Halliburton.” This sounds like a bunch of people who obviously respect the soldiers, doesn’t it?

Jane Fonda hasn’t spoken at an anti-war rally in 34 years, so I hope she got all that pent-up anger out of her system for another 34 years. By then, Fonda will be 103, but there may be another war at which she’ll need to publicly cringe — well, not cringe at the war so much as that flashing the “peace” sign is terribly painful with arthritis.

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