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There are plans to begin a renovation next year to expand the U.N. headquarters in New York City. This could be a billion-dollar project ($3-4 billion if they try to “cut costs” by engaging in a “concrete for food” program with a crooked construction company), complete with bigger offices, increased ventilation, fire sprinklers, and hot-and-cold-running appeasers.
U.N. representatives from around the globe have up to now been working in buildings fraught with asbestos, lead paint and, occasionally, falling concrete — and so far nothing has worked. Resilient little bureaucrats, aren’t they?
To the list of nastiness, we can now add rats, worms, slugs, mice and eels. Why? Near as I can figure, it’s because vermin and slime enjoy being with their own.
Personnel from the global organization that constantly whines about the United States but which has the audacity to be headquartered here have been engaged in frantic negotiations with the offending pests, but so far there has been no retreat on the part of the freeloading creepy-crawlies. The rats and worms haven’t budged either.
I’ve heard through the grapevine that U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has contacted Jimmy Carter to come in and offer concessions to the infestation to get it to leave. If that doesnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t do the trick, at least Jimmy can help build the critters separate living quarters so they donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t interrupt global warming proceedings.
Until then, Ki-moon has ordered the formation of a panel of committees on round-table discussions for the purposes of forming a bureau of task forces seeking a peaceful resolution of the infestation problem. If that doesn’t work, Orkin will be called in but ordered to use no traps or chemicals of any kind.
If they still don’t budge, the rats, worms, slugs, mice and eels will be offered oil, food and their own translators so the world can hear their side of the story.