nullFossil fuel: enemy of mankind. It burns dirty, spews its smoky bilge into the air, clogs our lungs, causes global warming, and yes, even strengthens hurricanes – or so we’re told by some. How can this be combated? Homeschooling is a good start. It might sound crazy, but it’s a solution even Al Gore should embrace.

School buses alone burn hundreds of millions of gallons of diesel fuel every year, which is harmful to the environment, not to mention the fact that our children stand next to those idling smokestacks, loading their lungs with more toxic gunk than they’d inhale riding in Willie Nelson’s tour bus with the windows up.

To conserve fuel, schools have been taking early snow days and switching to four-day weeks. This isn’t really a desirable alternative. This happened mostly in response to hurricane Katrina, but according to Al Gore, if we don’t do something about our carbon emissions, and quick, there will be plenty more to come, which means more school being clipped due to stated reasons of fuel conservation.

This country needs more inventors, entrepreneurs and geniuses of all sorts, so, in part, they can come up with a more efficient, cleaner, economical fuel, independent from foreign sources. How do we accomplish this? All I know is that the answer to the nation’s fuel woes probably won’t come from a generation that didn’t attend school enough due to that very problem.

After reading about schools closing to conserve fuel and save money, it occurred to me that homeschoolers have had it right all along: No gas guzzling bus is required.

Maybe conservatives should turn homeschooling into an environmental issue instead of an educational one. This may encourage even some of those on the left to embrace the movement. After all, homeschoolers are helping to “save the planet,” right?

This leads us to the agenda of staunch “environmentalists.” Al Gore, fresh off an Oscar victory, is one of the biggest believers that “global warming” is going to kill us all if we don’t do something soon, like maybe elect Al Gore president. I don’t believe that Al and Tipper were the inspiration for the book “Love Story,” as was once rumored, but I’m relatively certain that the script for the film “The Day After Tomorrow” was downloaded from Gore’s brain, via the Internet he took the initiative in creating, of course.

We need to ask Mr. Gore if he would back a proposal to encourage more people to homeschool, if not for the education, for the beneficial environmental qualities. It’ll never happen, though. “Control” is the only form of power to emit poisonous fumes that the government has no interest in cleaning up.

A group of 500 kids in one building is easier to direct, finance and, of utmost importance, control curriculum, than if those 500 kids were scattered around in 350 different homes being taught God knows what by heaven knows whom.

One of the biggest threats, if not the biggest, to our future is global warming, according to Al Gore. If this is the case, how about a radical suggestion?

What if candidate Gore were to propose that if a school district spends, say, $7,500 per student per year, we offer that same amount to those families who would like to homeschool instead? This will of course assist the homeschooling family tremendously, but, most importantly to the environmentalist, it could save literally hundreds of millions of gallons of gasoline from being burned. Using the environmentalist argument, this in turn will help halt “global warming” and even lessen the severity of hurricanes. Planet saved. Nirvana achieved. Hand holding and singing commences.

If Gore made this proposal, if he ever runs again for president, he could secure the votes of both the greedy, polluting, heartless, capitalist pig conservatives — and the tree hugging, between-jobs, vegan, deodorant-boycotting liberals. And we’ll all be so excited to vote for Gore that we won’t timidly “dimple” that chad, we’ll punch it clean through to China. OK, I’ll never vote for Gore, but you get the idea.

If this idea flies, my next proposal will be to have the IRS to stop collection junkets in order to conserve gas and save Mother Nature from choking on tons of extra carbon emissions.

Maybe it’s time to make this “global warming” theory work for us for a change. Dare to dream.


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