nullRemember when cases that were heard by the Supreme Court were almost always important to our basic rights in some form or another? At least it seemed that way.

The Court has decided on civil rights, voting rights, and any number of other issues that are important to our lives as Americans.

It would appear that we’ve settled all the really important stuff, and now it’s on to things like “Bong hits 4 Jesus,” which the Supreme Court has agreed to hear:

The Supreme Court examines Monday a case raising questions over free speech rights in US high schools as it hears arguments over a student’s unfurling of a quirky banner proclaiming “Bong Hits 4 Jesus.”

Joseph Frederick drew the ire of his school principal in Juneau, Alaska, on January 24, 2002, when the then 18-year-old student unveiled the huge banner in front of television cameras as the Olympic flame passed in front of a crowd.

Principal Deborah Morse, whose school had authorized the students to leave class for the event, was not amused by Frederick’s linkage between Jesus and a bong, a pipe used to smoke marijuana.

Morse crossed the street, destroyed the banner and suspended Frederick from school for 10 days.

Frederick, now 23, said he had conducted “a free speech experiment.”

In the old days, the courts weren’t bogged down with this kind of tripe, as this kid’s parents would have beaten the smartass out of him in a timely fashion, but it looks like the days of the “court of the home” are long gone.

The Principal is represented by a name you might remember: Kenneth Starr. I’ll bet you’ll never guess who in part is representing the hophead dingbat — hold on to your hats: The ACLU. That’s about as surprising as the sun coming up in the east.

Another interesting trend among defenders of morons is taking precedent set by court decisions in cases concerning people who were seeking genuine constitutional rights, and using them as a blueprint for the defense of a pest with way too much free time. This should anger those with real grievances:

The American Center for Law and Justice, which specializes in constitutional law and is dedicated to defending freedom of religion and speech, submitted a friend-of-the-court brief in favor of the student.

If schools could have banned advocacy of illegal acts during the 1960s Civil Rights movement, “students who urged their black friends not to move to the back of the bus” could have been kicked out of school, the brief said.

Yes indeed, and if kids aren’t allowed to display a “Bong hits 4 Jesus” signs, countless people could be denied the basic right of smoking pot in honor of the Savior. The next thing you know, black people will be right back where they started in the back of the bus, women won’t vote and people will be able to smoke Marlboros in public places.

Wake up, America! Our kids’ fundamental right to be idiots and promote drug use at schools is at stake.

But then, on second thought, if you really think about it, the ACLU is fighting for the students’ right to mention “Jesus” on public school property. Once they realize this, they’ll probably withdraw the suit.


2 Responses to “Bong Hits 4 Jesus: Another Ground Breaking Supreme Court Case”

  1. Jeremie Jordan on March 19th, 2007 3:28 pm


    You’re like, totally harshing my mellow.

  2. Doug Powers on March 19th, 2007 7:18 pm

    Sorry. Pass the Doritos.

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