The Usual Mainstream Media Focus Bias

The big news today? Ann Coulter has brought the political world to its knees, if you’ll pardon the expression, for calling John Edwards a “faggot” in a roundabout fashion. The left wing blogosphere and mainstream media is on fire with rage over yet another example of right-wing intolerance and hatred.

What isn’t mainstream news today? Bill Maher (among countless others) said he’s sorry the assassination attempt on Dick Cheney failed.

But I digress. Damn those right-wing hate mongers!

Follow the Money, Part XCVIII

In case you haven’t heard, those who use more energy than the average Joe in the course of their existence are beginning to not cut down on their energy use, but rather practice something called “carbon offsets.”

A “carbon offset” is something like this: if you use a private jet, you “offset” this carbon demon by paying for somebody else’s solar panels, or some such “clean” thing. As I’ve written previously, to me, this is a little like expecting to be acquitted of murder because you “offset” that killing by impregnating another person.

At any rate, whenever we’re faced with something that seems to not make sense, it’s always a good idea to follow the money trail. For example, when Al Gore pays for “carbon offsets,” who gets the money? A company partially owned and chaired by… Al Gore.

Surprise Surprise.

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An Inconvenient Security Breach

It’s good ta be an Oscar winner:

An airline employee is in the news today after the worker “led former Vice President Al Gore and two associates around airport security lines” before a flight this week at Nashville International Airport, the AP reports.

But the perk wasn’t long lasting:

However, once police spotted the “breach,” Gore and his traveling companions were escorted out of the secure area and were required to be screened.

Why the need to lead him around the screening area? The detector is for metal, not b.s.

Airport issues are nothing new to Gore. In 2002, Gore was twice pulled aside for “random” screening. Gore was so suspect that I wrote a column entitled Al Gore: Airline Security Threat.

Maybe airport security is just trying to make it up to him. Another possibility is that Al simply wouldn’t fit through the metal detector.

8 Questions for Al Gore

I’m no climatologist, scientist, geologist, and have formal training in any similar discipline, but there are a few questions that I have concerning Al Gore’s theory of man-made global warming.

Perhaps if Al can answer these convincingly, I’d be more inclined to be less skeptical of his rather sudden tale of climate disaster — which coincidentally comes hot on the heels of the days in elementary school when I was told that a “consensus of scientists” were panicking at a coming ice age.

Michael Crichton, author, M.D. and scientist, has written, where there’s “consensus” there can be no “science.” Why? “When a thing is proven to be a scientific truth, there’s no need for consensus. You never hear somebody say ‘a consensus of scientists agrees that E=mc2.'” Good point, but the “man-made global warming” debate seems to be so important that it transcends the laws of logic, so we’ll scrap the traditional approach and hit it from a different direction.

I won’t bother to point out that there was once a “consensus” of scientists who agreed that the earth was flat and was the center of the universe. They were, of course, wrong, even though those scientists in question would tell you that the solar system altered its physical properties just to spite them (the original “vast right wing conspiracy”). All that aside, here are eight simple questions for Al Gore. Just eight. Nothing fancy. If he can explain them to a layman who has but a fraction of his scientific training, I’m on board.

8. If global warming tops terrorism as the greatest threat to humans, why don’t terrorists just leave their SUVs running instead of blowing them up?

7. How come spending a fortune on natural gas to maintain huge homes and heated pools is justified by “carbon offsets” (offsetting your energy use by, for example, paying for somebody else’s solar panels), but when I offset my SUV by not having a heated pool, I’m not recognized as a “carbon offsetter,” just as a dickweed with a planet destroying SUV?

6. How can you draw in great detail specific scenario of what the weather will be like a hundred years from today and yet not be able to tell me exactly what the overnight low in Paducah will be two weeks from Saturday? To us laymen, this seems to require the blind confidence of believing an archer who tells you he can put an arrow through a soda can at 500 yards — the same person who you’ve noticed can’t hit a bale of hay from 10 feet away. It can’t be that obvious, so there must be something I’m missing and I hope Al can help.

5. Why did you gladly accept an award in front of a world-wide audience of billions, from an industry that is the second largest polluter in the state of California?

4. Which is the reason the polar ice cap on Mars is receding: extraterrestrials driving Hummers, their wives using aerosol hairspray, or Martian bovine flatulence?

3. Why didn’t I hear anything about all this when you were Vice President for eight years, a tenure which ended fairly recently?

2. How come, when 2005 was tied with another year as the “hottest on record,” we flew into a global warming panic, but yet we heard little about this during the year it was tied with: 1998? (I’m guessing that the answer has something to do with the previous question, but I thought I’d ask anyway.

1. When and how did the weather get politically partisan? In other words, how do hurricanes know who the president is? They sure seem to.

I’ll sit back now and await some answers.

As for “carbon offsets,” this sounds about as logical to me as expecting to get off the hook for murder because you offset the killing of one person by impregnating another, but whatever you’ve got to say to convince yourself, Al.

USS John F. Kennedy Decommissioned

It’s the end of a long period of service for one of the United States’ most famous aircraft carriers and the only Kennedy that Marilyn Monroe never went down on:

The USS John F. Kennedy is heading north today off the coast of Massachusetts as the aircraft carrier known as “Big John” prepares for its final stop in Boston before decommissioning.

The 1,052-foot-long carrier, named for the nation’s 35th president, left Norfolk, Va., on Monday as it embarked on its last journey after nearly 40 years of service that included several deployments in the Middle East and the Persian Gulf.

This ship isn’t to be confused with the USS Ted Kennedy, which was decommissioned in 1969 after being sunk by the Chivas Regal Brigades at the battle of Chappaquiddick.

U.N. Infested With Rats and Worms — So What's New?

There are plans to begin a renovation next year to expand the U.N. headquarters in New York City. This could be a billion-dollar project ($3-4 billion if they try to “cut costs” by engaging in a “concrete for food” program with a crooked construction company), complete with bigger offices, increased ventilation, fire sprinklers, and hot-and-cold-running appeasers.

U.N. representatives from around the globe have up to now been working in buildings fraught with asbestos, lead paint and, occasionally, falling concrete — and so far nothing has worked. Resilient little bureaucrats, aren’t they?

To the list of nastiness, we can now add rats, worms, slugs, mice and eels. Why? Near as I can figure, it’s because vermin and slime enjoy being with their own.

Personnel from the global organization that constantly whines about the United States but which has the audacity to be headquartered here have been engaged in frantic negotiations with the offending pests, but so far there has been no retreat on the part of the freeloading creepy-crawlies. The rats and worms haven’t budged either.

I’ve heard through the grapevine that U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has contacted Jimmy Carter to come in and offer concessions to the infestation to get it to leave. If that doesn’t do the trick, at least Jimmy can help build the critters separate living quarters so they don’t interrupt global warming proceedings.

Until then, Ki-moon has ordered the formation of a panel of committees on round-table discussions for the purposes of forming a bureau of task forces seeking a peaceful resolution of the infestation problem. If that doesn’t work, Orkin will be called in but ordered to use no traps or chemicals of any kind.

If they still don’t budge, the rats, worms, slugs, mice and eels will be offered oil, food and their own translators so the world can hear their side of the story.

U.N. Infested With Rats and Worms — So What’s New?

There are plans to begin a renovation next year to expand the U.N. headquarters in New York City. This could be a billion-dollar project ($3-4 billion if they try to “cut costs” by engaging in a “concrete for food” program with a crooked construction company), complete with bigger offices, increased ventilation, fire sprinklers, and hot-and-cold-running appeasers.

U.N. representatives from around the globe have up to now been working in buildings fraught with asbestos, lead paint and, occasionally, falling concrete — and so far nothing has worked. Resilient little bureaucrats, aren’t they?

To the list of nastiness, we can now add rats, worms, slugs, mice and eels. Why? Near as I can figure, it’s because vermin and slime enjoy being with their own.

Personnel from the global organization that constantly whines about the United States but which has the audacity to be headquartered here have been engaged in frantic negotiations with the offending pests, but so far there has been no retreat on the part of the freeloading creepy-crawlies. The rats and worms haven’t budged either.

I’ve heard through the grapevine that U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has contacted Jimmy Carter to come in and offer concessions to the infestation to get it to leave. If that doesn’t do the trick, at least Jimmy can help build the critters separate living quarters so they don’t interrupt global warming proceedings.

Until then, Ki-moon has ordered the formation of a panel of committees on round-table discussions for the purposes of forming a bureau of task forces seeking a peaceful resolution of the infestation problem. If that doesn’t work, Orkin will be called in but ordered to use no traps or chemicals of any kind.

If they still don’t budge, the rats, worms, slugs, mice and eels will be offered oil, food and their own translators so the world can hear their side of the story.